February 4, 2008

How Conservative Am I?

1. I believe that women should not be given the freedom of reproductive, inductive, deductive or seductive choice.

2. I believe taxes may only be used for defending our great nation against all enemies, or ideas of enemies, or ideas toward which I have enmity.

3. I believe the Bible should be allowed in public schools; in fact, all public schools should be constructed out of Bibles.

4. I believe your patriotism is directly proportional to the size of your truck.

5. I believe all people should be able to arm themselves heavily and sit quietly in their homes. Waiting. Always waiting.

6. I believe you wouldn't object to the government's Thought Projection Brain Interceptor chip unless you had something to hide.

7. I believe it's patriotic to agree with the President provided the President is conservative.

8. I believe in absolute freedom for everyone who knows I can be the only one to have absolute freedom.

9. I believe war is fucking awesome.

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