With gas costing upwards of several hundred pennies per gallon, what can you, the average driver, do to reduce that expense? Driving less simply is not an option, probably because you are fat or lazy or fatlazy, or maybe it's just because you are stupid. We needn't delve into semantics about why you drive so much; we need to, instead, look at what can be done to place the blame firmly on your vehicle. After all, people don't drive people; cars drive people.
Caught in this impossible vehicular pickular, we need to look at commonsense ways to improve your vehicle's gas mileage.
I offer some bold suggestions:
1. Make sure your destination is always downhill from your starting point. Put the car in neutral and roll.
2. Stop-and-go traffic is terrible for gas mileage. Choose either 'stop' or 'go' but not both.
3. Easily convert your old petrol piggy into an electric/gas hybrid by putting some AA batteries in the gas tank.
4. Gain extra power without using the gas pedal by forcefully and steadily blowing on the inside of your windshield while driving.
5. Avoid mileage-wasting traffic jams by driving on the shoulder or sidewalk.
6. Install a small wind turbine on your car's roof. Once you hit highway speed, the energy from the rotating blades will power your engine.
7. Mileage varies inversely with vehicle and cargo weight; so only drive underwater, in the vacuum of space, or while hovering above your car.
8. If you have a gas/electric hybrid, invest in a very, very, very long extension cord.
9. Convert all roads to moving walkways. Park car and let the road do the work.
10. Find space-time wormhole. Drive through it. Cross your fingers and hope the exit is somewhere near your destination.
11. Quickly accelerate to 250 miles per hour, then coast.
12. Think of your car as more of a large backpack, briefcase or purse for your stuff. Push it wherever you need to go.
13. Switch to the tried and true Flintstone braking system.
14. Harness solar power by putting a small chunk of the sun on top of your engine.
15. Don't be so hard on yourself; change your definition of "mile" to mean "about 4 or 5 inches".
16. Sit in car. Pretend you're driving.