February 12, 2007

A Play A Day #305

The In, The Out

Many other women - non-speaking

Setting: Inside a mall.

(Abbi, Lilli, Maddi facing in different directions, each with clipboards, many sheets of paper on each, throughout the play, lines can overlap, change places, etc... The three women are soliciting answers to a survey, many other women pass by constantly)

Abbi: (approaching a passing woman) Excuse me, ma'am, my name is Abbi from In magazine, I'm wondering if I can ask you to complete this very brief survey?

(Hands woman the clipboard, she completes the survey almost instantaneously)

Lilli: (to a different woman) Yes, miss? Hi! I'm Lilli from In magazine, and we're just asking people to fill out this survey today, should just take a few seconds of your time.

(Hands woman the clipboard, she completes the survey almost instantaneously)

Maddi: Hello, ma'am, my name's Maddi, and I work for In magazine. We are collecting survey responses for our next "What's In" summer double issue; I'm wondering if you would like to fill in this very brief survey?

(Hands woman clipboard...)

Abbi: (to Lilli, comparing notes) Wow! That's two more! It's like a wash-out!

Lilli: No kidding!

(Abbi solicits another passing woman)

Maddi: (to Lilli) One more for the home team... jeez...

(This continues, the three worker each survey a few more of the passing women, their lines can change in whatever way they wish, as long as they get the message across)

Lilli: (to both of her co-workers as they converge) I'm all out... no more surveys.

Abbi: I've got a couple more.

Maddi: Me too.

(Abbi and Maddi hit up a couple more women for surveys, Lilli looks through her results, then they all converge)

Abbi: Okay. Did you girls get the same as me?

Lilli: I just double-checked, it was a clean sweep.

Maddi: (riffling through hers) Yep, one hundred to zero.

Abbi: A complete shut out! Amazing!

Lilli: Three hundred to nothing?! From a completely random sample like this. Wow!

Maddi: Safe to say, nothing in the history of being in has ever been more out.

Lilli: What's Amy going to say?

Addi: She'll love it! I mean, she can put a huge headline on the issue with total confidence.

Maddi: What do you think it should read?

Addi: Ummm... probably "The Penis Is Out!"

Lilli: No... how about "Cold Cocked"?

Maddi: Hey, we could look at the inverse, and say... "The Pussy Is In".

Addi: Or "Red Hot Vaginas!"

Lilli: Let's get the results back to the office.

(they start exiting)

Addi: Three hundred people... wow...

Maddi: And none of them had a penis.

Lilli: Truly a dark day for dicks.

(exit, lights out)


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