Setting: Bare stage
E: I just said "five".
F: No, I just said "five".
E: After I said it!
F: No, you said "six", so I said "five".
E: I never said "six"!
F: You were supposed to! That was your number.
E: Six was never my number.
F: Yes, I said "seven", so you had six.
E: I had seven.
F: Seven was mine!
E: Who started it?
E: The countdown?
E: Who had "ten"?
F: (beat) I did.
F: (calculates) Oh.
E: You had six.
F: So... you must have said it after I said it.
E: I said "five"! You repeated that one!
E: Yes... and look. (holds up watch) It's 12:01!
F: Well, if you hadn't screwed up.
E: I never screwed up, Ford; it was you. You said "five" after I said it.
F: I never heard you say "five".
F: I heard "six" twice.
E: If you heard "six" twice, why didn't you do the logical thing and say "four"?
F: It was instinct... six then five...
E: Instinct. Right.
F: You hear "six", boom! You say "five".
E: I'm sure you do.
F: It's natural.
E: Except, it didn't work out that way.
F: If I would have said "four", you would have been all confused, wondering where five went.
E: You know what? I'm done discussing this.
F: Then you would have said that I jumped ahead or something.
E: I'm done, Ford.
F: But why can't you...
E: (interrupting, hurt) I just wanted to shout "Happy New Year" and throw my arms around you and kiss you.
F: (beat) Deeply?
E: For a long time.
F: Oh... I...
E: Why do we have to fight about the most stupid things?
F: I... I'm sorry.
E: Too late now. The year is old already.
F: (turns his back, fiddles with something) No. See? It says 11:59 on my watch!
F: Try again?
E: Without the arguing?
F: No arguing.
E: Okay. We're bound to do better; we've even rehearsed now.
F: That's true.
E: Tell me when.
F: There will be deep, long kisses, right?
F: Okay! (looks at watch) And... now!
F: Ten! (too excited, he grabs her and kisses her, she tries pushing away by hitting him on the shoulder slowly, she does this eight times, then they break)
E: (breathlessly) Happy New Year.
F: (also breathless) You're an excellent counter.
(they kiss again as the lights fade)