We Are Where We Are
Cast:
Newton
Siri
Setting: Bare stage.
(Newton and Siri are unconscious on the floor, in random positions anywhere on the stage, they stir and slowly come back to consciousness, very confused)
Newton: Siri... Siri?
Siri: Wha...? Newton?
N: You okay?
S: Yeah. I think so. You?
N: I'm fine... I guess.
(lots of confused surveying of the landscape, slowly getting to their feet, rubbing the backs of their necks, moving together to the center of the stage)
S: Where are we?
N: No idea.
S: How did we get here?
N: I wish I knew.
S: But where are we?
N: I don't know, Siri. It's...
S: So flat...
N: ... and black...
S: ... and empty...
N: ... and... hey what's that?
(Siri turns toward where Newton is pointing, they both exit the stage in that direction)
S: (from offstage) Wow! What is it?
N: No idea.
S: How did it get here?
N: Beats me.
S: It's indescribably.... uhhh...
N: Indescribable.
S: Yeah.
N: Wow.
S: Yeah. (long pause) Wow.
N: I'm sleepy.
S: Me too.
N: It's probably not related to the glowing blue energy field eminating from this... this ... uhh... thing.
S: No. No way.
N: Hey!
S: It's gone!
N: Where did it go?
S: No idea.
N: (walking back on stage, a totally different actor, different clothes, everything) That was......... amazing?
S: (a totally different actress) Indescribable?
N: Yeah, that's it.
S: But, where are we, Newton?
N: I don't know... Hey, Siri, let's give it our own name.
S: Yeah! Great idea.
N: It's flat... black... and goes on forever...
S: (long pause, thinking) Flatblackinfinitia?
N: (beat) Yeah... that works. I like it.
S: Me too.
N: Now we know where we are.
S: We do.
N: Hey look! It's back!
(they exit, as soon as they leave a brand new actress and actor appear on the other side of the stage)
S: Back home!
N: I think the indescribable thing was even more indescribable this time, Siri.
S: It was, wasn't it, Newton?
N: Yes; yes it was.
S: You know, Flatblackinfinitia is not without its charms.
N: It's not bad.
S: It's beautifully flat.
N: And black goes with everything.
S: True, true.
N: There's so much possibility in the endless horizon.
S: We could build the world's largest Dairy Queen-slash-Victoria's Secret!
N: Brazier?
S: Griddle.
N: Brassiere?
S: Girdle.
N: (laughing) That would be excellent.
S: (pointing) Yay! It's here again.
(They start to exit, a brand new Newton and Siri enter, running directly into them, no lines exchanged)
S: It just gets better and better.
N: Let's stay here forever, Siri!
S: We have to, Newton, we just have to!
N: We'd be stupid to leaave.
S: Idiots.
N: It's back!
(They start exiting, slowly the other three pairs of actors enter from anywhere on the stage, taking turns in order of appearance)
N: Oh, Siri!
S: Oh, Newton!
N: Oh, Siri!
S: Oh, Newton!
N: Oh, Siri!
S: Oh, Newton!
(fourth pair re-enters)
N: Oh, Siri!
S: Oh, Newton!
(a fifth pair enters)
S: Oh, Newton!
N: Oh, Siri!
(the other pairs react with horror to the different order, any of the Newtons and Siris respond)
N: What is wrong with you two?
S: Indescribably horrible!
(general murmurs of agreement, long awkward pause, fifth Siri says)
S: Oh, look... the thing!
(they all exit excitedly, a sixth pair enters)
N: I hate that thing!
S: Totally pointless!
(bamboo poles extend on stage from each wing of the stage, sharp blowing sound, Newton grabs the back of his neck)
N: Ahh!
(another sharp blowing sound, Siri grabs the back of her neck)
S: Ahh for me too!
(they both collapse to the stage, random position and location, lights out quickly)
(end)
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