A Play A Day #198

Hell Through Seventeen


Cast:
Ian
Janet

Setting: Janet’s bedroom


(Janet is seated on her bed and crying, she is fifteen and awkward. There is a soft knock on her door.)

Ian: Janet... honey?

Janet: Yeah?

I: Can I come in, sweetheart?

J: Yeah. (wiping tears from her eyes)

I: Sweetie... what’s going on?

J: Nothing. Nothing. I’m just going to take a nap.

I: You’ve been crying; I can see that you’ve been crying.

J: Dad, I’m fine... don’t worry...

I: I do worry, honey... what’s wrong? Huh? Talk to me.

J: No... I’m fine... I...

I: (sitting next to her pulling her close, she reluctantly acquiesces) Hey, hey... that’s what Dads are for. I want you to let me know what’s going on. I can probably help.

J: Dad... it’s okay... I’ll be fine.

I: Is it school? Someone being mean at school?

J: No... not really...

I: Well, what, sweetie? You can tell me anything. Really.... (pause) Okay, listen, let’s make a deal you let me in on what you’re thinking, and I’ll personally see to it that ice cream is served to this very bedroom... on a silver tray!

J: Dad...

I: No, I will... I will. I insist!

J: You don’t have to do anything...

I: Ah ah ah... nothing more about that, just tell me what’s on your mind, Janet.

J: Well, I’m just so confused right now....

I: Yeah?

J: Yeah... (pause) I... well... there’s this boy... at school...

I: (too excited) I knew it! I knew it! I didn’t want to say it, but I knew it was a boy thing!

J: Dad! Stop it! It’s not like that...

I: Oh... right. Sorry. (pause) Please, please, (prompting) there’s this boy at school and...

J: Well, he’s a friend... more of an acquaintance really, but, I guess, you know, a friend...

I: Right...

J: And... well... he’s in love with Marie.

I: Marie?

J: Marie LaClercois... the French foreign exchange student....

I: Okay...

J: She’s nice... but... you know she’s going back to France in a month and Danny’s only fifteen, and she’s seventeen and...

I: Danny? The boy is Danny?

J: Oh, yeah, right... yeah, that’s the boy.

I: Danny loves the French student.

J: The foreign exchange student, yeah... from France, and she really doesn’t care about Danny...

I: Okay...

J: But, she’s... ummm... really... uhhh... like, daring? You know?

I: Daring? Like... does dangerous stuff?

J: Sort of... she dresses sort of... ummm... with... ummm... like just a little bit... like a...

I: Whore?

J: Dad!

I: Sorry... slipped out! Sorry... she dresses provocatively...

J: Yeah... like a slut.

I: Better term.

J: Yeah, and she likes to... ummm... you know rub? Against people...

I: Ahhh... yes... she’s likes to turn the boys on?

J: Well... yeah... and... ummmm...

I: Yeah?

J: She... uhhh... likes to... uhhh...

I: Flirt? Have sex?

J: Dad! Please!

I: Sorry, but it did seem to follow from what you were saying about her... seemed like where the story was going, that’s all.

J: I don’t know... I mean... yeah... she probably does... I mean, that’s part of the problem, I guess... I don’t know for sure, but yeah... I don’t know. (pause) Anyway... that wasn’t what I was going to say exactly...

I: Sorry, I’ll stop interrupting...

J: No... that’s okay, Dad; you can interrupt if you want.

I: Okay... so what were you going to say?

J: Well... Marie came to school today, and she told me that she was pregnant.

I: Ohhh! Wow! Really?

J: Yeah, and so I told Danny and...

I: Is she saying the Danny got her pregnant?

J: Well... no....

I: What is Danny saying?

J: Well... he...

I: Did he have sex with Marie? Did he tell you?

J: He said he didn’t...

I: Oh... well... do you believe him?

J: Yeah... I mean... yeah... I think so...

I: And you don’t know for sure if Marie is pregnant, right?

J: I guess I don’t... but that...

I: Well, then Danny probably didn’t do anything.

J: Right... but that’s not the point, Dad.

I: Oh. What’s the point, sweetheart?

J: It’s really hard for me to say... I’m afraid you’re going to get mad...

I: Oh, c’mon... it would take an awful lot to scare your old man... I know much more about these things than you think I do.

J: Promise not to get mad?

I: I promise to listen and to love you... now, what is it, honey? (long pause as Janet squirms and evades her Dad’s eyes) You’ll probably feel better telling me... I’m sure it beats sitting in your room and crying about it.

J: Uhhh... yeah... so... Marie... she very pretty and she smells like lilies...

I: Hmmm... unusual for a French girl, but go on...

J: She does, and she... you know flirts with all the boys...

I: Right...

J: And... most of the girls too.

I: (beat) Okay...

J: And she’s really pretty...

I: Yeaaaahhh...

J: And... ummm... beautiful...

I: Yes... I...

J: And she smells like lilies...

I: (Overlapping) Lilies... honey you...

J: And she has this accent...

I: A French one...

J: And she’s just so cute...

I: Honey...

J: And smells so good, and...

I: She’s pretty and smells good and she’s pretty and smells good, too? Janet. What’s going on?

J: (beat, then very fast, as one word) Can a girl get another girl pregnant?

I: No... honey... don’t be so... (gets what she’s just said) Ohh! (pause) Oh my! Do you.... mean?

J: (trembling, slowly nodding her head) Yeah... I... well, she... she... kissed me and... well... uhhh... uhhh... ummm... I... kissed her back....

I: Okay.

J: And her front... and... umm... all over...

I: Ohh, sweetheart... it’s okay... it’s all right... (hugging her close) You’re shaking, sweetheart... shhhh... relax... it’s okay...

J: I just... I didn’t know...

I: That you were a lesbian?

J: No! I’m not!

I: Well, you had a sexual encounter with this girl and...

J: No! I mean, yes, I did... but I really, really like boys!

I: Okay...

J: Especially Danny... that’s why I got close to Marie, he’s been following her around.

I: So, perhaps... you’re bisexual?

J: That’s both ways, right?

I: Yep. Both boys and girls.

J: Maybe... I guess...

I: Ohh... sweetie... It’s no wonder you’re confused... you’ve got a crush on this boy and he’s got a crush on another girl, and you both have sex with her... ahhh... youth.

J: Jeez, Dad... you don’t have to understand it so well... I thought you’d be a little mad or scared or something.

I: Ohhh, Janet... what you don’t know about your Dad... You think I haven’t been a confused teenager... I was the height of confusion.

J: Yeah?

I: Oh yeah! My life was hell through seventeen! That’s when I met your mom, of course. We flirted a lot... we dated... then she started dating Tim Webber... big stud in the school... but I was desperate to have her, I spent all my time trying to be alone with her...

J: What did you do?

I: You know, typical stuff, tried to undercut Tim... show your Mom that he was just a liar and a user, you know... which he was... sometimes it worked... your mom would sneak away with me for a little tryst now and then...

J: Dad, please!

I: Well, one day, your mom tells me she’s pregnant... and possibly unlike your Marie friend, she really was. Pregnant with you.

J: So you married her after she had me... that was the right thing to do.

I: Right? No. I mean marrying her was good, but I never got her pregnant!

J: (with horror) But... what?!

I: No, it was Tim or Ryan or Jeff or Sam... one of those guys, your mother sure did like getting laid back then!

J: (panicky) But you! It could’ve been you too!? Right?! You said that you and mom... ummm... Right??!

I: (hearty, good-natured laughing) Ohh! We sure did, but it wasn’t me! I mean, I was still female then.

(Janet looks ahead, eyes roll back, and she slumps in her Dad’s arms)

I: (lightly shaking her) Honey? Sweetheart? You still want that ice cream?

(lights out on Ian ad-libbing softly to Janet and gently shaking her)

(end)