On The TV
Setting: A TV
Qed: So what are we watching?
Jalli: Nothing, Qed, we are on the TV.
Q: Like television TV?
J: Precisely, like television TV.
Q: So people watching us, Jalli?
Q: No shit?
J: Not here.
Q: Hey people! I'm on TV!
J: He can't hear you man!
J: TV's not on.
Q: Who's TV ain't on, Jalli?
J: The TV that we're on.
Q: What TV?
J: We're only on one TV.
Q: I don't... huh?
J: Just one.
Q: We are one one television? In the whole country?
J: The whole world, Qed.
Q: How did that happen?
J: Hey, we are on TV, right?
J: So quit complaining.
Q: Not complaining, man; I just thought, you know, you said that you had a TV show, and, well...
J: This is the deal I could make with the execs, alright?
Q: What deal?
J: To get on TV.
Q: We get to be on one TV?
J: Just one.
J: If we do well on that TV, then they might add us to another one...
J: Yeah, before too long we could be on literally dozens of TVs from America to Armenia!
Q: What's Armenia?
J: Nevermind. Point is; if we're good, then we get on more and more TVs.
Q: Alright... but how do people even know that we're on?
J: More like, how does that person know we're on... well... uhhh... I don't know. I suppose we could call him again. I called him just before we started and got his voice mail.
Q: You know who it is?!
J: Yeah, his name's Jeff. Lives in Georgia somewhere.
Q: His TV might be on though!
J: No, I got his voice mail, I told you that...
Q: Yeah, but people sometimes don't answer the phone because they're watching something on TV, right?
J: Yeah, possibly.
Q: So maybe he's watching TV, and maybe he's seeing our show!
J: It's possible.
Q: I say we call him right now and see. Tell him to turn to our show! Tell him he can be on TV!
J: Alright. (pulls out cell phone, dials, long pause) Nothing, man. Voice mail again.
Q: You could've left a message!
J: No, no point in being too pushy about it. Our audience demographic shows that Jeff doesn't like to be pushed.
J: You know, they're going to kick us off his air if you don't stop swearing.
Q: Sorry... sorry...
J: So, what should our show be about?
Q: Wait? You don't know?
J: Nope, wanted your help.
Q: Wow... unbelievable... well, I'm not letting my big chance fly by! I say we make the show about Jeff!
J: No... I'm not willing to do that.
Q: Why not?
J: I have my artistic principles. I'm not selling out to the highest bidder.
Q: He's the only bidder we got, Jalli.
J: Precisely, all the more reason to buck the status quo. Dare to do something truly different!
Q: Your principles are going to get us cancelled!
J: At least I'll have my dignity.
Q: Man... what does this guy like? Maybe he likes stuff that fits with your artistic principles.
J: If he did, then I'd change my principles. I'm not selling out!
Q: You can't do this to us! This is our big chance!
(cell phone rings)
J: (answering it) Hello? Ohh... yeah? Really? Yeah, I did call you twice. Yeah... my name's Jalli. Listen! Turn your TV to channel #69, 857! No... I know... only your TV gets that channel! Trust me! What? Seriously? No. No.... No... alright... yeah.... yeah... thanks for calling, man.
Q: Was that Jeff?
J: Yep... his TV's busted. Doesn't know when he's getting a new one.
Q: Ahhh... shit...
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