Setting: Two small piles of dirt.
(Doug and Douglas are shoveling. Doug digs one shovel's worth of dirt and tosses it onto Douglas's pile; then Douglas does the same to Doug. They are quite happy with the situation. This continues without stop throughout the play.)
Doug: Beautiful day, huh, Douglas?
Douglas: Yep, very nice, Doug.
Doug: Not too hot, so you can work hard with out dropping from heat exhaustion.
Douglas: Not too cold so you have to have heavy layers on, which just makes you warm; so you take 'em off... then you get too cold again; so you put 'em back on...
Doug: Vicious circle that is.
Douglas: I don't mind it so much, there is comfort in repetition, but it takes time away from the important work we're doing here.
Doug: Yep... I agree, we must never waver from our assigned task.
Douglas: Doing the hard work on the ground; the work that people will only thank us for in the future.
Doug: They will be most grateful.
Douglas: Just look at the progress being made.
Doug: It's tough work, a long battle.
Douglas: But it is a fight we must win.
Doug: Exactly, we must win it; then it will have been worth fighting.
Douglas: The ends justify the means.
Doug: And it is truly a winnable task, with a well-defined end.
Doop: Hey guys; what's up?
Douglas: Hello, Doop!
Doug: Nice to see you out here today.
Doop: What are you two doing?
Douglas: For you.
Doop: Wow! Great! Thanks!
Doug: You're welcome.
Doop: What are ya fighting?
Doop: This dirt here?
Doug: Yes, and dirt everywhere!
Douglas: We are fighting against dirt and the very idea of dirt!
Doop: Man, big job!
Douglas: Yes, it is.
Doop: When are you going to be done?
Doug: When dirt and the idea of dirt has disappeared!
Douglas: Wipe clean of the Earth!
Doop: (pause) Ummm... isn't the Earth dirt?
Doug: Only in a manner of speaking.
Douglas: For instance, you just spoke about it in some manner; therefore, it's true.
Doop: So, you're fighting the whole Earth?
Doug: No, just the dirt part.
Douglas: And the idea of dirt.
Doug: Annnndd... all the ideas behind the idea of dirt.
Douglas: Including the idea of ideas.
Doop: Are you making any progress?
Doug: That's not for us to decide.
Douglas: We just keep digging.
Doug: Because we're supposed to.
Douglas: Because we're making it possible to help other create the idea of progress.
Doop: Oh, but you don't know if you're actually defeating dirt?
Doug: It's not that important that we do.
Douglas: We've been given a job; and we're going to do it.
Doop: But why do you keep doing it?
Doug: Because one day, we might win.
Douglas: Even if we never knew it.
Doop: So you fight all day?
Doug: Yes, and all night.
Douglas: We must never stop.
Doop: But won't that constant fighting kill you?
Doug: It will be for the common good.
Doop: But won't your dead bodies decompose and become dirt?
Douglas: (pause) Yes. (long pause, they both stop digging) Ummmmm...
Doop: In fighting dirt, you become dirt; in fighting an idea, you become just an idea. (long pause, they're all staring at the dirt piles) Well, see you around... good luck with the fight.
(Doop leaves, Doug and Douglas stand for a long time, then look at each other, then drop their shovels and start walking off stage)
Douglas: I need to shower.
Doug: Yeah; I feel dirty.
(they're off, lights out)
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