The Little Rainbow That Had To
Ott, an Agent
Setting: Ott's office
(lights up on Ott's office, Ott sitting at desk, looking at some random magazine, faint knock on door, no acknowledgment, more knocking, nothing, finally a rainbow colored young woman opens door and pokes her head through)
Rainbow: Hello? Hello?
Ott: Yes, come in; come in.
R: Come in?
O: Yes; some do.
R: (entering timidly, approaching Ott's desk) Hi... hi... I'm Rainbow.
O: Name's Ott... just Ott... use to be Otto, but people were always spelling it backwards so I took off the "o".
R: The second "o"?
O: Yes, the "o", not the "O"... I felt that it would help me make a name for myself, literally, in the trade... lot of talent agents out there, and I figure now people will come to me because they know they ought to... get it...
R: Y... yes, I do.
O: Enough about me for now; let's talk about you, Rainbow. What brings you here where you ought to be? (chuckles)
R: Well, as a rainbow, I get plenty of work. Ads, logos, personal empowerment, tons of metaphorical manifestations, for which I'm usually not paid, but I just haven't had a lot of luck breaking into films.
O: Yes... film work...
R: Oh, I'm in a lot of films, but it's always just as backdrop or for inspiration, you know, sometimes, I'm symbolic, and on rare ocassion, I'm actually a sort of plot element.
O: Well, that sounds good to me; sounds like a lot of work coming your way.
R: Oh, don't think I'm complaining about what I get to do; I'm not. You know most of it is quite meaningful... for everyone else. But, I... well, I want to do something for me, you know?
O: Sure, sure... you deserve it! Rainbo... can I call you that? Rainbo?
R: Sure, that's my name.
O: Without the "w"?
R: No, there's a "w" at the end.
O: Not anymore, baby! We're rebranding you! Drop the "w"! You're Rainbo! Say it proud!
O: Ah, the pride'll come later... now, Rainbo, you'll take this new brand, this new you, and we're going to hit the studios hard... you'll get a new press package, and for a large fee, a healthy percentage of your take, and certain expenses to be determined daily, you'll get some off the best representation in the biz!
R: Ummm... okay.
O: (reaches under his desk, pulls out a tape recorder, turns it off, rewinds it, hears her say "Ummm... okay" and stops the tape, and then turns it on again) Sorry... legal requirements, very important. Now, you want to be in the movies for yourself?
R: Yeah; a nice juicy part for me. Like a foreign film where I'm the mysterious woman and feared for my taciturn nature, but the people realize later that they we're expecting a rainbow that couldn't possibly...
O: (overlapping) Rainbo! Rainbo, remember...
R: Right, but, I'm still a rainbow with a "w". You know, in nature?
O: Not when we're through! We'll take that extra letter right outta there for everyone!
R: Okay... I guess that's not my goal...
O: Hey, I'm your agent now; I'll tell you what your goals are!
O: Now you said you wanted to get a role in "films". That's really inspiring, babe, but you do realize that we might have to start you off in movies.
O: Not films; you understand?
R: Uhhh... no.
O: Films are art, Rainbo. Movies are art for morons. Got it?
R: Ohhh... I guess... yes...
O: We try to work our way up to films, and be, you know, respected as an actress and all that. But it works better to get a few hundred million in our pockets first.
R: With movies.
O: Yeah, for instance; I've a got a lead on a part for a natural phenomenon who is willing to appear naked for significant portions...
O: For significant portions of the movie, yeah.
R: I can't... I can't do that... I want to be respected as an actress, and...
O: That comes later... first you gotta show some tit.
O: Pays two million, three, maybe four months of work.
R: I... don't...
O: Two million, you'll make a lot of contacts...
R: But... naked?
O: Well, not the whole time.
R: What's it called?
O: Uhhh... let's see... oh, here we go... "Nature Freak"... (continues reading)
O: Hey, says here in the call, that there will be a certain amount of intimate activity involved...
R: Intimate activity... like...
O: Like... ummm... (reads them off) bondage, feather torture, golden showers...
R: Showers? I know about showers...
O: Sure you do, babe. (pause) Should I set up the audition? I'll get you a preferential screening time.
R: It seems sort of cheap and tawdry...
O: Gotta start somewhere, sweetheart. You want to have the good roles... you gotta put out a little... even if you're a rainbow.
R: I was expecting something more enticing.
O: Depends on who's watching.
R: I don't want to be a... a... typical Hollywood bimbo.
O: Then you do your best, and you become an exceptional Hollywood bimbo!
R: I don't know...
O: Look, sugar, I'm offering you a leg up here. I'm breaking my back. I want to see you succeed! Listen: Have I ever done you wrong?
R: I... I just... met you.
O: And I haven't hurt you yet! Why would I start now?
R: I don't know.
O: I wouldn't. You know, you go out there... you shake your rainbo ass, take it off, be free, discover yourself... people will notice...
R: But it's not my typical role.
O: You said you wanted a new type of role. You know, I had the Aurora Borealis in here a couple years ago... she didn't want to do it either; but she did! Where is she now? Huh? Won the Oscar last year for Best Celestial Glow In A Feature Film! It works... no one even remembers the porn she had to make to get things moving for her.
R: She made a porn?
O: See? Yeah... her first starring role. Was it sick? Yes. Was it a good career move? Hell yes!
R: But... I don't want people to think I'm a... a... you know...
O: Whore? Hey, listen, hate to burst your bubble, because you're a sweet kid. You are. But, a rainbo already exists just to make people happy... in many ways you are the whore of the natural world. Kind of fluffing things up after storms and such.
O: Sorry, truth hurts, but I call'em straight.
R: (pause, thinks) Alright! I'll do it!
O: Great, kid! (pulls camera from desk) Now take off your shirt... gotta get some shots for the files.
(R looks even more concerned, lights out)