March 14, 2010

Things You Might Hear Me Say to Subtly Remind You That Today Is My 40th Birthday

1) Just think, in exactly 40 more years from today, I'll be twice as old as I am. Today.
2) It was a night, much like this one, exactly 40 years ago...

3) Yes... I understand... I'm sure I can have another 40th birthday... sometime... in the future.

4) Man! If I had a doughnut for every birthday I've had in my life, I would have 40 doughnuts right... about............. now.

5) Do you see that little girl over there? Yeah, that one. Well, guess what? It's her 6th birthday today. We share birthdays, that little girl and I do, and she was born on my 34th birthday.

6) You know, I think I'm just going to head down to the store and pick up 40 birthday candles or something.

7) I wonder what it will feel like to turn 41? Guess I'll figure out exactly one year from today.

8) I don't know, just can't stop counting to 40 today for some completely weird, non-guilt-inducing reason.

9) (coughs, with the cough sounding suspiciously like the word "forty") Sorry, I've just been coughing up a lot of my exact-age-as-of-today lately.

10) Well, I mean, wouldn't you be pissed if they cut an hour out the day that happened to be your 40th birthday? I know I am......... I mean, would be... possibly, you know... if?

11) Yep, just another day... my 14,610th day, to be precise. That's all. No big deal. What? No, no... don't get up. I don't need any help subtracting 10 leap days from 14,610 and then dividing that by 365 to come up with a number like... well, somewhere really, really close to 40.

12) Wow! If Elvis were still alive, I'd be 40 today!

5 comments:

Christopher Tassava said...

A few more, though I don't know if those of your advanced age would use them.

13. "Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Haaaaapppy birrrrrthday to me, you forgetful sons of bitches."

14. "Why yes, I am 40 today, but really that just means I'm twice as good as I was at 20. 20 years ago. 20 looooong years ago, today."

15. "Hey, I wrote a new one-act play. Here it is.
[puts on party hat]
'Happy birthday to me!'
[blows on noisemaker]"

Bleeet said...

Excellent additions, Christopher! I think I've actually sung #13 before.

Claudia said...

You young whipper snappers...

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