April 16, 2010

Things I Might Yell At My Smarter Cat

1) That's not what Foucault meant! *

2) Because you have an insufficient grasp of fractals, that's why!

3) I'm so tired of your clawcentric diplomacy!

4) Of course the data look different than you expected! Duh!

5) What about MY id!?

6) Your suppositions would be laughable if they weren't so tragic!

7) Steer into the skid!

8) I distrust your family recipe for
coq au vin!

9) I demand a recount! **

10) Do you not understand why a three-party system would be better?!

11) To the breach!

12) Catsense as a phenomenon has been roundly discredited! ***

13) You, sir, do not know what pain - real emotional pain - is!

14) Fuck you, cat! You're a fucking cat! Untie me now! ****

* No one actually knows what Foucault meant, including me, but the cat doesn't know that nobody knows, so I usually get a pass on that one. Ironically, Foucault himself theorized that his cat was actually the only one who knew what Foucault meant, though Foucault's cat's own writings claimed this assertion "made as much sense as that bastard's thought processes which, in turn, made as much sense as an underwater clothesline."

** I am entitled to a recount by local election laws, but the cat has a powerful legal mind.

*** In some circles.

**** You fucker!

1 comment:

Circe said...

15) I wish you were more like Zeno's cat.