March 1, 2010

Why Women Should Be Allowed To Ski Jump In The Winter Olympics

Right now, women are not allowed to ski jump in the Winter Olympics.

That's wrong!

I am proposing that all women be allowed to ski jump in the Olympics from this point forward.

(Truth be told, I'd like all women forced to ski jump in the Olympics. Just a very specific power trip for me, I know.)

Listed below, dear reader, find some of my reasons for overturning the Olympic ban on women's ski jumping.

1) Research shows that women are just as stupid as men. Some are stupider.

2) So many of the "Magical Fairy"-themed ski jumps which dot the global landscape are shunned and left unused by men.

3) Anything which puts healthy young women in full-body spandex needs to be encouraged.

4) When the ski jumpers screech "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...," it will sound more gender-appropriate.

5) Provides deep cleansing action for troublesome pores.

6) Should prove that hot pink is the most aerodynamic and uplifting color, as has long been predicted by aerocolorological engineers.

7) Mattel has millions of "SkiJump Princess Barbie" units to move in anticipation of the demand.

8) Head replacement surgery has made great strides in gender equity over the past twenty years.

9) On paper, it may look more dangerous than other Olympic sports in which women participate, but the ski jumping is actually done on snow - not on paper.

10) Top-heavy jumpers should tumble cartoonishly through the air, if my knowledge of cartoon physics is accurate.

11) Having your face removed by snow-friction is empowering.

12) To prevent them from ski jumping in the Summer Olympics, a far more dangerous situation.

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