Video! You've heard of that, right? It's all over the Inter Wide Compu Web! I do not have the time to explain how it works, but I swear that I'm moving(!) in the little picture window on my computer machine!
This is called "video," or, more scientifically, "compuvideopictureshow." It's real! It's here! It's me!
Thanks to a visibly distraught, nearly terrified, Bonnie Obremski, and her technical-ologist, Raul, my moving image has been subtly rendered for over 9 minutes! (She promised me 10 minutes, but then again, she probably wouldn't have been able to hold herself back if she stayed around much longer. I have that effect on women.)
While she very cleverly cut out the parts where she spoke about her desperate battle with air addiction and where you could actually hear her copious drooling, I thought Bonnie handled herself bravely in the face of my unrelenting good looks.
Raul, on the other hand, comported himself in a manner most unpleasant, constantly asking when he could leave, and trying to peek down Bonnie's shirt. None too couth, that man.
I'll let the video speak for itself, or rather I will speak on the video itself, or rather it will be me on the video myself speaking.
Check it here. And by "check", I mean "click". You know like, "click yourself, before you dick yourself... over."
In other news:
Sorry for the campaign silence recently. I have been hampered by the complicated firing and rehiring of my longtime campaign strategist and sandwich artist, Britt Ackerman, LLC, SST, OMG.
I have many bits of information to share in articles that remain within my queue, and you will have to wait until I am ready to spring them upon you. Why? Because I don't expect you to be able to handle too much glory at once, and I'd rather not be responsible for "shock-and-awesome" syndrome among the hoi polloi.
Still waiting on yard signs. Make your reservation for one, two or more than one right here in the comments section. I'm toying with many different varieties, all bearing slogans a cowardly politician wouldn't dare touch.
I will try my damnedest to get this video phenomenon installed on the yard signs.
The public demands it!
Go away now.
This campaign is imploding. You need to pledge to hire someone as an adviser and then have him turn out to be a Boy Scout pedophile. Then you can denounce this and accuse the other candidates of not distancing themselves from Scouting pedophiliacs.
What he said. Sheer genius.
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