August 6, 2008

Brendon Etter, Sensual Leading Write-In Mayoral Candidate, Releases Enemies List to the Public

While I've duly established that I have bountiful love for all of my creatures, there are people that I find it necessary to hate.

I know all too well that hate paralyzes society's present and condemns its future; so I hate, not out of hate, but instead out of animus, extreme disrespect, and generalized loathing.

I steer clear of hate, except when absolutely vital to serve my interests and the interests of my campaign.

It would be very, very time consuming to list all of my enemies here by name; instead, I am electing (good word!) to list the logical means by which someone - anyone really - could potentially be considered among my enemies.

I find that configuring the list this way allows for the hate to flow more naturally - shrinking or expanding in real time as people enter or leave any of the groups described below.

This is crucial because, if there's one thing hate cannot abide, it is being constrained from hating in an open, affirming and inclusive manner.

Hate hates that.

So, in the spirit of letting my hate run free to hate as hate must, I present the following people who must consider themselves as part of my enemies list:


1. My enemies

2. Friends of my enemies

3. Friends of friends of my enemies

4. Facebook or MySpace friends of my enemies

5. People not observing my love-embargo with my enemies

6. Parents of my enemies

7. Friends of parents of my enemies

8. Parents of friends of my enemies

9. Friends of parents of friends of my enemies

10. Enemies of my friends

11. Friends of enemies of my friends

12. Friends of friends of enemies of my friends

13. Friends of friends of enemies of my friends of friends

14. The New York Yankees

15. The parents of the friends of my enemies of my friends

16. All other relatives of my enemies

17. The friends of all other relatives of my enemies

18. My other enemies

19. People who own or operate restaurants or stores where my enemies eat or shop

20. People who work at restaurants or stores where my enemies eat or shop

21. Friends and relatives of people who work at or own or operate restaurants or stores where my enemies eat or shop

22. Pets of my enemies

23. People who live too close to my enemies or the places where they or their friends or their relatives eat or shop or go to school or worship or loiter.

24. People who eat or shop at restaurants or stores who also feed or serve my enemies or the friends of my enemies or the relatives of my enemies or my other enemies

25. Pets of my friends

26. Any mechanical or electrical device used by my enemies or the friends of my enemies or the relatives of my enemies or those who sold or fixed those devices

27. Enemies of the friends of the friends of the enemies of my enemies

28. That one guy

29. Pets of the pets of my enemies

30. People who are not Facebook friends of my friends or my Facebook friends

31. Plants of my enemies

32. Friends of the plants of my enemies

33. People who are not with us

34. Plants of that one guy

35. Facebook

36. Friends of the parents of the pets of the plants of my Facebook enemies

37. Most of southern California

38. Portions of my enemies and their relatives and friends and pets not yet listed

39. Plants of the pets of the friends of my enemies

40. The dead friends of my dead enemies and their relatives and friends of their relatives living and/or dead

41. Enemies to be named later

42. Other


There may be more to add, but this small list will suffice for now.

Thank you for your support.

4 comments:

Henry said...

I think I can join in on your severe displeasure with #14. In fact, the whole damn place.

Bleeet said...

True. They are so lame in so grand a way.

Anonymous said...

I see I haven't made the list yet. Hmmm, I wonder what I can....

BeeRight

Bleeet said...

Yes, keep trying. I don't want to too exclusive and discriminatory.