1. In conversations with you, your butt usually just sits there and contributes nearly nothing.
2. Your butt does not know how to drive a car, thought it is old enough to do so.
3. Your butt voted for George W. Bush. Twice. Making your butt an Ass.
4. Your butt can barely program in BASIC, and when it does, it has to do it barely.
5. Your butt's xylophone playing always lags about a half beat behind the trumpets. It's not supposed to!
6. At charades, your butt lacks an adequate knowledge of contemporary film to flesh out scenes.
7. Your butt mumbles when speaking, even when addressing the United Nations.
8. Your butt got lost in the mini-mall.
9. Your butt's understanding of Robert's Rules of Order is superficial at best, leading to many procedural gaffes during council meetings.
10. Your butt often clicks on e-mail attachments that promise to increase the size of its genitals, which is stupid on a couple different levels.
11. One time, on the witness stand, your butt mistakenly pled the Sixth.