January 18, 2008

"Glenndairy Glen Hoss" by David Moomet

Glenndairy Glen Hoss

Scene 1: Interior. Barn. Two cows seated at a table. They've just finished lunch and are now each on their third martini.

Cow1: Mooo, mooo, mooo! Moo.

Cow2: Moo moo.

Cow1: Moo moo the leads!

Cow2: M...

Cow1: Moooo mooo!

Cow2: Fuck...

Cow1: Moo?

Cow2: Moo.

Cow1: Moo, moo moooo moomoo moo...

Cow2: Moo cocksucker moo.

Cow1: Moo moo moo moo... moo moo blah blah blah.

Cow2: Moo, moo, a closer.

Cow1: Cocksucker moofuck! Moo moo fuckin' moo, Moo!

Cow2: Moo mo...

Cow1: Bullshit! Moo! Moofucker moo moo, fucking moo moo moo mooooo moo moo heiferfucker, fuck moo!

Cow2: Mo...

Cow1: Moo the leads! Moo! Mooo! Fuck!

Cow2: Moo moo moo moo.


Cow1: Moo. Fucking moo fuck.

Cow2: Moo.

(lights fade)


Alright, that's enough of that. I just like playing with stupid puns.

I would like to state for the record that I now own the copyright on the phrase "Cocksucker Moofuck", and anyone wishing to use it for the name of their punk band or their edgy, postmodern novella should consult my attorneys for the proper royalty payment contract.

And, yes, I know a heifer is not a mother, but "heiferfucker" sounds better than "cowfucker". It just does.

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