War: No Survivors
Sleeping Person - any gender, any age (here I am making SP female)
Other Sleeping Person - any gender, any age (I'm making OSP male)
Setting: Large bed, blankets, end tables, lamps on end tables, books on end tables. Dim light on stage.
Sleeping Person: (mumbles unintelligibly, rolls over, facing other sleeping person)
Other Sleeping Person: (talking in sleep) That's not my bike. (rolls over, away from sleeping person)
SP: (mumbles unintelligibly, flops arm over OSP's face)
OSP: (rolls toward SP, head into SP's chest, one leg pushed back, the other curled up)
SP: (flops top leg over lower half of OSP, talks in sleep) Yellow mittens burn well. Those, and these and...
OSP: (rolls onto back, pause, rolls until facing away from SP, longer pause, rolls until face down in pillow, short pause, rolls away from SP again, but now is facing SP, on extreme edge of bed, stretching covers very tightly between the two of them)
SP: (rolls onto back, pause, rolls to edge of bed away from OSP, facing away from OSP, this pulls the covers from OSP)
OSP: (lacking the blankets for support, falls to the floor, lays there a while, mumbles, then stands up, still asleep, lays on the extreme edge of the bed again, tries to pull the covers over himself, it's not quite covering, so OSP pulls harder, but every time the covers slip off him. Eventually, OSP pulls the covers with an enormous effort, think Herculaen here.)
SP: (is pulled hard by OSP's last effort, SP rolls all the way across the bed, wrapping herself up like a blanket burrito en route to smashing into OSP on extreme edge of bed)
OSP: (falls to floor again with the impact from SP, gets up, more mumbling, lays down almost entirely on top of SP, then slipping off. They have now switched places. OSP shivers a bit, then tries to cover self with blanket, there are no available blankets. OSP starts insinuating himself under SP's blankets in which SP is tightly wrapped, so OSP ends up forcing himself mostly under SP)
SP: (this manuever levers SP off the bed, SP thuds to the floor, mumbles, then struggles to get up, while wrapped tightly in the blankets, lots of sliding around on the floor, trying to get feet against something other than the slippery wood floor, eventually SP wiggles her way under the bed entirely, she finds the bed legs and tries to stand, but only lifts her head and hits it on underside of bed, SP continues wiggling, eventually making it all the way through the underside of bed, finds the foot of the bed and levers herself up, stands and hops mightily onto that edge of the bed, which causes a great bump)
OSP: (gets knocked off his extreme edge of the bed, mumbles, gets up and climbs into bed, reaching around for blankets, rolling toward SP, eventually reaching her, finds a loose edge of her wrap and begins wrapping himself in it by rolling the opposite way. This unwraps SP, OSP says) Broccoli fire engine beep beep.
SP: (falls off her edge of the bed, says) I don't have the matches for this. (gets up, climbs into middle of bed, proceeds to climb into OSP's wrap, it is a tight, difficult fit, lots of mumbling and some painful, wordless gripes, eventually it is done, pause)
OSP: (starts having a very active dream) Run! Run faster, come on! Go! The rainbow is fading! Putt putt, sandwich face! Putt! Go! (He is kicking the blankets down his body, SP is also being kicked and pushed down, eventually with a loud) You made it! (SP is pushed off bottom end of the bed.)
SP: (stands up, walks with blankets to her side of the bed, turns on her light, picks up book, lays it on her chest, she is still asleep.)
OSP: (turns on his light, takes her book, lays it on his chest, still asleep.)
SP: (grabs another book from end table and opens it and rest it on her face.)
OSP: Tank bubbles... (flops arms over onto SP's face, smashing her open book onto her face hard.)
SP: (painful shriek, pulls book and OSP's arm off her face, rubs her nose, turns pages in the book for a little bit, lays it over her face again, never waking up)
OSP: (same as previous, another book on his chest)
SP: (same as previous, a large book now on her face)
OSP: (one more time, he now has three books on his chest)
SP: (pattern reverses, SP reaches out a thumps OSP on the books on his chest, takes one opens it on her face, flops arm out again, lands on his books, she lays that one open on top of the other open book on her face, then again, until all three books lay open on top of each other on her face.)Gall bladder picnic basket, anyone?
OSP: (His hand feels his now empty chest, reaches for another book, grabs table lamp instead, places it on his chest, still on, still plugged in.)
SP: (Her hand flops onto his lamp, she pulls it so that is also resting on her face, partially leaning on top of the three stacked open books) Butter Butter Monkey Train.
OSP: (feels chest again, reaches for another book, grabs end table, places it upside down on his chest.)
SP: (arm flops onto end table, she pulls it so that it is on top of the lamp.)
OSP: (feeling cold, grabs edge of the blankets, pulls very hard, grumbling, SP rolls toward him throwing books, lamp and end table toward OSP)
SP: (Snuggles up to OSP, tangled up in everything)
OSP: (Turns toward SP, hugs and kisses the lamp shade) Turn off the light, honey.
SP: (not really able to move, she stretches her feet out behind her, eventually going perpendicular to OSP, her feet find the other lamp on the end table and promptly kicks it over, it stays on.)
OSP: Thanks. (kisses lamp shade again)
SP: (pulls her feet back into bed, but they end up at the head of the bed, and she slowly works her head down to the foot of the bed, she kisses OSP's feet)
OSP: (tickled by the feet kiss, he kicks out, into her head)
SP: (pained shriek, and she kicks out, kicking the lamp first then his face, and pulls back from his feet, her head and arms hang down from the edge of the bed, her mouth is bleeding profusely.)
OSP: (recoiling in pain, he falls off the bed again, taking lamp, books and end table over with him, his nose is bleeding profusely)
SP: (slowly, very slowly, slips more and more off the end of the bed until her head is on the floor and her body is curled over the top of her, feet on the stage closer to the audience.)
(long freeze, looking for all the world that there's been a horrible battle and both combabtants are dead... but sleeping soundly, lights out slowly)