Setting: Table, two chairs. Derek and Layla sitting, discussing
Layla: What about women who had their breasts surgically removed?
Derek: What, for fun?
L: No. Cancer, other things.
D: What other things?
L: Like an accident or something.
D: Like get the left one caught between the elevator doors?
L: Anyway, you know what I mean.
L: So what about that?
D: Are you trying to say that's why you did it?
L: No, not really....
D: Not really?
D: You almost got breast cancer or something?
L: Oh, c'mon...
D: Nearly cut one off?
L: No, I...
D: Trimming the bushes...
D: ... and the shears slipped a bit.
L: Stop it.
D: Well, what did you mean, "not really"?
L: Just that I did it for other reasons.
D: You're thirty-two. Your tits looked great before.
L: Thanks for noticing.
D: So, I don't understand this pre-emptive strike against cancer or whatever...
L: It wasn't that at all.
D: I guess now, you'll just be able to trade up if you do get breast cancer, huh?
D: Just return 'em to the store.
L: Oh, shut up.
D: They're broken, get a new pair...
L: Blah, blah...
D: Hope you saved your receipt!
L: I had my own reasons, o.k.!
D: Such as what?
L: It's just... uhh...
D: Just what?
L: Stop interrupting me, o.k.? It's hard to explain.
D: Yes, definitely harder than before.
L: Ha ha.
D: Sorry, anyway...
L: Anyway, it will help me in many ways.
D: Like what?
L: At work.
D: At work?!
D: You're a real estate agent!
L: I know that.
D: I mean, you sell houses!
L: Yeah, I know that too.
D: I know you do, but...
L: It goes with being a real estate agent...
D: Yeah, yeah, but...
L: I learned that the first day...
D: What does...
L: They drove me to a house, dropped me off, and told me they'd be back when I sold it.
D: Ha ha, Layla.
L: Here I thought I'd be sewing buttons on shirts all day.
D: You're avoiding the issue.
L: Yeah, so?
D: Why'd you do it for work?
L: Your personality helps sell the house as much as anything.
D: Yeah... and?
L: This adds to my personality.
D: How? It adds to your chest, that's it.
L: Listen, it's well known in the industry that attractive real estate women sell more homes at higher prices, especially when men are the purchasers.
D: So, this is an attempt to do more business?
L: I'm paid on commission, Derek.
D: Yeah, so you changed your body to get higher wages?
L: I want to be successful.
D: You were plenty attractive before.
D: Your breasts looked fine.
L: A little uneven.
D: That's totally normal, even I know that, and my breasts are even!
L: Very funny, but they were.
D: And you were worried about this because you frequently sell houses topless?
L: Hey, anything for the commission.
D: Seriously though, there was nothing wrong with your looks before this.
L: Now there's even less.
D: I don't think you can say that.
L: What? Ohh...
D: They must have noticed at the office; I mean you work with pretty all women, right.
L: They liked it. Most of the the other agents have done it too.
L: It's perfectly normal.
D: Like some sick competition.
L: No, not at all. It was my choice.
D: So you read this "study" or whatever, and it plants this idea, and pow! Layla 2.0 is born.
L: Kind of; I didn't really read the study...
D: You just heard about it.
L: Deb told me that it was well known.
D: Your boss?
L: Yeah, Deb.
D: Who gets a commission on your commission?
D: So, she believes this study...
L: I guess.
D: She figures, mo' boob, mo' money?
L: I don't think it's like a calculation on her part.
D: Yes, it totally is!
L: Well, she wants the business to succeed.
D: She would know about using tits to sell things...
L: That's mean.
D: Ol' Double-D Deb.
L: Her breasts are real.
D: Now, yours aren't. Ironic.
L: Not really.
D: So, is her official title "Madam" now?
L: Stop it, Derek.
D: Got her little stable of fillies she lets out to lassoo customers, lead them in the front doors with their breasts.
L: What about you, Derek?
L: How's Shelby?
D: Left last year.
L: She had rather large breasts.
L: If you liked my old breasts so much, why'd you walk as soon as the cute young thing moved in next door?
D: She's a year younger than you.
L: With tits that didn't stop, huh?
D: They were big.
L: And fake.
D: I didn't know that, at first.
L: You could've asked me! Women always know.
D: Didn't seem like the appropriate thing to do.
L: But divorcing your wife of five years to move in with your lover next door?!! That's fine!
D: I couldn't keep it up.
L: No comment.
D: I meant the marriage.
L: Yeah, no comment.
D: I did love you.
L: You never did.
D: I still do.
L: No, you don't.
D: I do.
L: So, you call me here to make fun of my new breasts, and tell me you still love me?
D: Well... I...
L: (starting to cry) I.... I... can't fucking believe you!
D: You didn't have to come...
L: I figured I'd fake it one more time, Derek.
L: For you, honey.
D: I just wanted to see you. It's been too long.
L: Stop, Derek... just stop...
D: O.K. Listen. I'm just really surprised you did it.
L: I was surprised you did it too.
D: I meant your breasts.
L: I meant Shelby's.
D: I want you back.
L: I'm not yours to have back.
D: I want you to be. I want to be yours again.
L: I.... (tears, long pause).... no.
D: Please. Layla. Please.
L: Please go.
D: No. I never loved Shelby.
D: She left me because of you.
D: She said I was still married to you.
L: No. I've got the papers.
D: In my heart, I mean.
L: I knew what you meant.
D: She was right.
D: So were you.
D: Layla... please.
L: (long pause) No.
D: We'll start small again.
L: I know you will.
L: Get a dick implant, and we'll start negotiations.
D: Layla! What?! That's sick!
L: That's o.k., you never felt very good anyway.
D: I can't!
L: Rather, I never felt you very good.
D: Not everyone has to have fake parts, Layla.
L: I know, but I figure I've got the upper hand here.
D: This is about love.
L: Is it?
D: Not just sex.
L: Yeah, I want to love sex.
D: Size doesn't matter.
L: I got a drawer full of dildos that disagree with you.
D: You're all about plastic these days, aren't you?!
L: Yeah, I guess I am.
D: I can't believe you!
L: I can't believe me either! I'm totally hot!
D: You're a phoney!
L: (She unbuttons top two buttons of her blouse as she says) Nice to see you again, Derek. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a very large house to sell to a very horny man.
L: No, remember, I didn't take you back. (she starts exiting)
D: Don't trip on your tits on the way out!
L: Thanks, I won't. (looking back, big smile) Better cross your legs, (air quotes) "Big Boy". (Derek crosses his legs to hide his erection, embarrassed, Layla continues out) Though I doubt anyone will notice.