June 2, 2006

A Play A Day #49

Unenduendo. (or) Block This.


Setting: You decide. You block it any way that works for you, or your audience, or local law enforcement officials. In the end, you're going to do whatever pleases the big donors. Admit it.

Lolly: So, what were you expecting?

Terrance: Well, I could tell they were big, but this...

Lolly: Yes, I know. I hear that from so many customers.

Terrance: There still so firm, though!

Lolly: Yes, aren't they! It's very exciting to have them in that size and still feel so solid.

Terrance: But they're all-natural?

Lolly: Not an ounce of fake anywhere in them! I'm pretty proud of that fact.

Terrance: I imagine it's better for you, overall.

Lolly: Better for everyone, Terrance.

Terrance: Sure! Yes... what else can you show me?

Lolly: Well, on the lower-level, we have a couple very nice things for you to see.

Terrance: Great! Let's go.

Lolly: Alright, going down!

Terrance: That was fast.

Lolly: Yep. We don't waste time around here.

Terrance: I guess not

Lolly: So, here we are.

Terrance: Wow! It's really warm down here!

Lolly: Yes, it can get quite hot, and damp.

Terrance: That must cause a lot of problems.

Lolly: Yeah, it can make it rather uncomfortable.

Terrance: So what do I do with this piece here?

Lolly: Well, that has to go into this hole.

Terrance: Like that?

Lolly: Oh! Hmmm.... that doesn't fit.

Terrance: Yes, it's pretty large.

Lolly: Why don't you try this hole, then?

Terrance: Like this?

Lolly: Ahhh, yes, that's much nicer!

Terrance: Yes, it fits a lot better there.

Lolly: O.K. Now, you have to move it around some until it hits just the right spot...

Terrance: Like shake it, back and forth?

Lolly: No, no... try pushing it in deeper.

Terrance: Like this?

Lolly: No... back out a little bit, then really ram it in there!

Terrance: O.K. Better?

Lolly: No, try it again. You should really feel something when it hits just right.

Terrance: There!

Lolly: Yes! That's got to be it!

Terrance: Again?

Lolly: Certainly! Keep going!

Terrance: Like this?

Lolly: Faster!

Terrance: O.K.

Lolly: Deeper! Deeper!

Terrance: Ummm... It's getting really hard.

Lolly: Ohh... I'm sorry.

Terrance: It feels right, but it's kind of tiring.

Lolly: I've heard that from other customers before.

Terrance: I'd better stop.

Lolly: Sure, sure, no problem.

Terrance: Anything else?

Lolly: Well, you should not leave without tasting some of this!

Terrance: What is it?

Lolly: Well, it's a very special treat... let me just spread this out for you... like that.

Terrance: Hey, that smells really good.

Lolly: Yes, I know, we scent ours here. All-natural, of course.

Terrance: I was going to say that it looked very natural.

Lolly: Yep! Dig in!

Terrance: Mmmmm... that's really good.

Lolly: Yes, yes... just roll it around on your tongue. Let the taste run through your mouth.

Terrance: Wow! Is there anything you can't do here?!

Lolly: Don't talk, just eat. Enjoy.

Terrance: Sure.

Lolly: My greatest pleasure is just making my customers happy.

Terrance: Mmmm-hmmm.

Lolly: You're really enjoying that, huh!

Terrance: Yes!

Lolly: Well, just eat all you want; I've got plenty enough to go around.

Terrance: Great!

Lolly: All done?

Terrance: Yes. Yes, I think so.

Lolly: Well, is there anything else you wanted to see or try out?

Terrance: No, no, I've seen enough. This place is incredible!

Lolly: Thank you! Be sure to tell your friends to pay a visit!

Terrance: Oh, I will! I will!

Lolly: Good-bye! Come again soon!



Brendon Etter said...

O.K. So this play could easily be titled "An Homage To Three's Company"... I know, I know. But it was fun to write, and it offers a (ahem) tasty challenge for anyone wishing to block it in a way that makes sense.

Poor, poor Mr. Roper...

Brendon Etter said...

Yes. I forgot. I only post plays on my blog, but I can be convinced to post other things in the comments section.

I, hereby, invite everyone and anyone and most someones and not no one to a Tuesday, June 13, public reading of four of my plays from this blog. It will be at the downtown NAG building (that's downtown Northfield, Minnesota, USA, in case I have readers from exotic locales like Camaroon or Wisconsin).

The reading is being done by actors that I don't even get to meet. They will be pretty much "cold" readings.

The event is called "Under Construction". It starts at 7 pm. They are doing four of my plays: "Fortress", "Trailer Date", "It's Time To Eat Kids" and "No Ask Alice". I'm thrilled that they selected them.

So, come hang out on Tuesday, June 13, downtown NAG building at 7 pm. I'm incredibly nervous about the whole affair. We'll go to the Cow afterword, or something like that.

Unknown said...

Ok. I fucking added you to my blogroll. You are now somebody to the three people outside of you who read it. Are you going to be Elizabeth Borden on Saturday night? Em Lo is busy kicking serious ass this weekend.