June 10, 2006

A Play A Day #58

The Dresser Speaks


Setting: Blank stage except for a large dresser, down center. It has 10 drawers in it. Three small ones on the top row, two rows of half-drawers, then three full-width drawers on the bottom. Take the back off the dresser and attach handles to the back side of each drawer, position an actor behind them to push them out as they speak, in turn. Preferably the voices would be comic and related to the size of each drawer. Use as many actors as you need to get the right mix of voices. Numbers refer to specific drawers, numbered one through ten starting with the top left, then across and down to the bottom, i.e. the top drawers are 1, 2, and 3, bottom drawer is 10.

5: I'm telling you! I'm sick of it!

4: Pipe down, alright! Get over it!

5: Just because you're being used for your intended purpose!

9: Hey! I was sleeping down here!

2: You're always sleeping.

9: If you had to carry as much weight as I did you'd be tired too.

1: Hey guys, what's up?

3: Shut up!

1: What? What'd I say?

10: You know, you're really hostile, #3

8: I worry about you too, 3.

6: He just needs to get stuffed real good once or twice, then he'll be singing a diffferent tune.

7: Oh, yeah! I hear ya. Just a few good stuffings'll take the hostility right out of him.

5: Hey! I'm stuffed here, and I'm pissed!

4: Blah, blah...

2: What is so wrong with pens, #5?

5: Because I'm obviously a sock/underwear drawer! How come I'm filled with pens, pencils and just random shit! It's really fucking frustrating!

10: You know, you just have to take it, you'll ever be happy until you accept your fate.

1: I mean if anyone has a right to complain, it should be me.

6: True, true!

7: Yeah, keep that shit away from me, o.k. 1?

3: Ahh, he deserves it, the little happy-go-lucky fascist!

9: In what way is he possible a fascist, 3?

3: He just is! O.K., oh, great sleeping behemoth!

8: Nicely argued...

4: Well, 1 does have a very valid point, 5...

1: Yeah, I mean who needs five vibrators?

2: Yeah, I thought humans only had two or three sex holes.

1: Exactly, but, nope, there's five of those things in here, and man, sometimes they really smell.

3: Serves you right, you chipper little fuck.

7: Another shot from the death squad.

6: That guy freaks me out.

5: Yeah, smelly vibrators are pretty bad, I agree, but, come on, how many fucking pencil and pens does a person need? Most of them don't even work! I'm getting marked up like hell everytime I get opened, and I think I'm losing my structural purpose and dignity.

8: Still, you're working, right?

9: It's what you were trained to do?

10: A lot of drawers would be pretty glad to have what you've got.

4: We should listen to our bigger friends to tthhe south, 5, those guys are filled with pants, skirts and integrity.

5: Yeah, I suppose I'm glad to be working, but just give me some clothing, you know? Some soft socks...

3: A brick of firecrackers.

5: .. nylons...

3: Nitroglycerin canister...

5: ... at least some underwear... shit I'll even take condoms...

3: I hope you get actual shit!

1: Shut up, 3, God, when are going to realize that drawers don't want to hear your hostility all day.

3: Whatever!

10: It's true 3; we're here for you if you just want to talk, you know.

7: Ohhh, I wouldn't want to ever really get into it with 3, ya know?

6: Ditto.

8: Guys, we never abandon one of our own; no matter how unappealing he or she may be.

2: Umm... guys... hey! (3 has pushed himself out very far, he's at the edge) Guys! 3 is doing it again!!

10: I got him! (He opens really wide, just as 3 falls. 3 is caught inside 10. 10 can't close now, so talks as if someone were holding his tongue)

8: Good catch, 10!

4: Way to go, man!

5: Whoa, that was intense, he flew right past me!

1: It's very scary.

5: Wow! That really makes you think about what it means to be a drawer, doesn't it? Geez, I hope I never get that bad.

2: You'll be o.k., 5; just remember that pens are important objects to store too.

9: Yes, all the great writers use them.

6: So true, 9. Good point! Really good point!

5: Yeah... wow...

10: Now 3, how much longer are you going to keep trying this?

3: (crying) I don't know... I don't know...

10: We're here for you. Just tell us what you need.

3: I want to live. I want to explore. I want to make my mark on the world!

10: Sorry, 3, you're a small dresser drawer.

3: I know... I know...

10: Acceptance. You need to accept your position in life. You'll have no peace until you do.

3: I know... (spotlight in on 3, fighting through tears, he begins singing the song "Feelings", the other drawers join in as they feel like it, lights fade out)


1 comment:

Brendon Etter said...

New ending added to play #57, in case you've read it already. It came about from a conversation with this guy which I know which whose name may be related to the concept of potentially being something along the lines of a wordish thing like "Mic"rophone...

The more clauses that you can put in a sentence which you may be typing on a machine which may be a type of computer that helps you write thoughts down without having to worry about mistakes that you might make and which you will be able to correct more easily than if you were typing these same things on paper that you might have bought from a store where you used to buy all your office supplies like the time you might have bought a three-hole punch or three one-hole punches if they happened to be out of three-hole punches which, of course, they always were as if the three-hole were the office-supply equivalent of a rare monkey or something else that lives in a jungle and is rare enough to be noted as rare in some books that you might have bought at a local bookstore which is no longer in business, the better.