Grass In The Grass
Setting: A large lawn, at night. Stage raked, three men in their early twenties are smoking pot, sharing one joint, already very high, laying down on the grass. They stare at the night sky. They inhale and pass throughout the play, lighting another joint if they make it through the first one.
Ralph: Holy shit! Perfect night, huh?
Wendell: Yeah, man...
Lloyd: Can I just say that it's like, you know, a perfect night tonight?
R: Yeah... perfect...
L: I just wanna say that it's so perfect out here tonight.
R: You are so right.
W: I love you guys; Ralph, Lloyd, I mean you guys are so fucking perfect, you know?
R: Thanks, man.
L: I want to tell you guys that it's so perfect being out here with so many perfect people... great friends... you know, great night.
W: Good point.
R: Yeah, good point.
L: Think about it, not too warm, not too cold, no bugs, no moon, no wind, and look at all the fucking stars.
R: Stars... lots of them...
W: Good point.
R: Tons of them.
W: They are so fucking huge though!
R: Yeah. Huge.
W: You know think of how big they are and then you realize, like, how big the sky is.
L: Yeah, can I just say, like, you know, fuck?
W: Yeah... like, fuck.
R: Fuck... huge... huger than that... fuck.
W: Yeah, like you think... I can see like two miles of the sky, right? 'Cuz it's only like two miles of ground we can see from horizon to horizon; you know, on the ground? But like then you have to imagine that you are just like the bottom of a huge cone that gets wider and wider as it goes farther through space and pretty soon you can see like billions of stars even though each of them might be billions of miles from the others, (holds up his hand a foot from his face between his field of vision and the stars to increase the awe factor) and the whole thing is like no bigger than your hand.
R: (moving to put his face behind Wendell's hand) Lloyd, hey, Lloyd... Wendell's right; it isn't bigger than his hand. Man...
W: Anyone's hand, Ralph. Smaller than anyone's hand.
R: What if you don't have a hand though?
L: Maybe you have another one?
W: Good point.
R: Yeah... so true.
L: I just want to say that because, you know, you could have, like, another hand without having a hand.
R: True... true...
W: Yeah, because, just because you don't have something doesn't mean you can't not have nothing...
L: Let me say, well said.
W: It's like the universe again.
R: Yeah, it is...
L: Yeah, the universe.
W: Like you have this giant thing you can see, you know that big cone coming out of your eyes, seeing the universe...
L: I wanna say that I wish it was filled with ice cream.
L: All kinds, 'cuz you'd get sick of one flavor after a few miles.
W: What ice cream?
L: I'm saying, the ice cream in the cone, coming out of your eyes... if it was a real cone; it'd be awesome if it was filled with ice cream.
W: Ohh... yeah, that would be a lot of ice cream. A real lot. Wow! Cool though.
L: Yeah... totally awesome...
R: I love... ice cream.
W: Yeah, who doesn't... but that's not my point....
R: Real vanilla's very good... it never gets a lot of credit...
L: Let me ask you, like, you know, with the little bean bits in it?
R: That's so awesome.
W: Beans in ice cream?
R: Yeah, beans, but not like lima beans... they're, ummm... beans... what kind?
L: Let me say that I think they're vanilla beans.
W: Vanillas are beans?
L: Yeah, like vanilla is inside beans.
R: Vanilla beans?
L: I'm gonna say that I think so.
R: I never knew what the beans were.
L: Hey, let me tell you that, you know, I didn't know it for a while either.
W: Anyway, there's this cone coming from your eyes... and you can like see this huge...
L: Yeah! If it was lasers!
R: Your eyes would like destroy the whole universe.
L: Dude! (makes laser noises, laughs)
R: (also starts laughing, makes screaming death and destruction noises) My eyes are God!
L: (abruptly stops laughing) Whoa... Can I just tell you that that was deep?
R: (laughter stops too) Thanks, man.
W: No, listen though, guys... think of this shit...
W: So, think of the trillions of trillions of trillions of miles you can see. All those stars... got it?
R: Oh, yeah, lots of shit.
W: Right, but, now check it... because if you think of everything you can see, everything, the Earth, the trees, the stars, everything.
W: Now, everything you can see is actually nothing compared to everything that you can't see in this enormous cone, which isn't ice cream-filled or laser beams, it's just, ummmm, vision... filled... and like 99.999...9..... 99.........(loses himself) 9 ........ 7 percent of the universe is nothing. So, like everything you see, everything, in the big universal scale is actually nothing, and the nothing that you see or don't see is everything... so, think about it, think about it now... everything doesn't really exist, nothing is actually the whole of everything... we are actually, and I mean we, as in the earth, the sun, we are actually like molecules in a huge wall, which looks solid, but the closer you get the more and more you can see right through it, and the farther and farther the molecules spread apart, until you realize that you've gone right through a solid wall, because the wall, like the universe, is actually made up mostly of the space between things, made up of the nothing that is everything, and the everything of the wall really isn't even there, it's unreachable. It's stars, it's dust, it's the distance between the distance between which is also the distance between other distances between. You never find the something that you think makes up everything, because the everything is made up entirely of nothing, and something may be there, you'd never see it because the nothing is the something and vice-versa...
(very long pause)
L: So, can I ask you, if, like, you know, the ice cream isn't there either, then?
W: Nothing is there. Everything is there.
R: Whoa..... You're some sorta genius, Wendell; some sort of genius.
L: I love ice cream.
R: I love it too.
W: Good point, guys.
(lights start fading)
L: Let me just say that I wish you could smoke ice cream.
R: Who doesn't?
W: Now, that would be something. That... would be... something.