November 3, 2006

A Play A Day #204

Fuck Sex Love


Setting: Bare stage.

(Man and Woman enter from opposite sides, meeting in the middle)

Man: (offering hand) I am a man.

Woman: I am a woman.

Man: We are alone.

Woman: Shall we fuck?

Man: What else is there?

(walk off stage left, pause, enter stage right, looking exactly the same)

Woman: Wow!

Man: Phew!

Woman: That was amazing!

Man: That was spectacular!

Woman: Thank you for fucking me!

Man: You're welcome. Thank you for fucking me!

Woman: My pleasure.

Man: Mine too.

Woman: When will I see you again?

Man: When I see you again.

Woman: Right now?

Man: Great!

Woman: Let's have sex.

Man: Good idea.

(exit stage left, pause, enter stage right, looking exactly the same)

Woman: That was fun.

Man: Yes. I enjoyed it too.

Woman: I love you.

Man: I love you.

Woman: Let's marry.

Man: Who?

Woman: Each other.

Man: Perfect.

Woman: Let's celebrate.

Man: Yes.

Woman: Let's make love.

Man: Now there's an idea.

(exit stage left, enter stage right, everything the same)

Woman: Well.

Man: Yes.

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Making love was nice.

Woman: Sure.

Man: I guess.

Woman: I am unhappy.

Man: Me too.

Woman: I am bored.

Man: Let's divorce!

Woman: Who?

Man: Each other.

Woman: Perfect.

Man: Let's celebrate!

Woman: Great idea!

(exit stage left, enter stage right, same as always)

Woman: Oh my!

Man: Yikes!

Woman: That was phenomenal!

Man: That was incomprehensibly outstanding!

Woman: That was a different sort of universe.

Man: I didn't even get my pants off.

Woman: I didn't even get your pants off either.

Man: Shall we have sex again?

Woman: No!

Man: No?

Woman: Never!

Man: Never?

Woman: We must stick to fucking only.

Man: No sex?

Woman: No, fucking.

Man: Fucking?

Woman: Fucking.

Man: Perfect.

Woman: Let's go.

(exit stage left, lights out)


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