August 16, 2006

A Play A Day #125


Putter (14 year old boy)
Simmy (same)

Setting: Outside, blank stage.

Putter: Well, I dare you to take two Milky Ways from The Fuel 'n Flee!

Simmy: Steal them?

Putter: Yep. Two of 'em.

Simmy: (deep breath) O.K.

Putter: Well? Get going!

Simmy: Alright, alright! (heads off quickly)

Putter: (calling after him) The full-size ones, not those little things!

Putter: (speaks as he wanders around the stage) Those little candy bars are so stupid! I mean a regular candy bar is not much bigger than bite size anyway; who'd want a tiny one... people always eat like five or six of 'em anyway... just a waste of wrappers... You just have to spend all that time trying to open 'em to get the same amount as a regular-sized one that you only have to unwrap once... instead you have like... (slumping down against a wall and sitting, as soon as he sits, Simmy literally sprints back on stage, right to him, he is panting heavily, bent over catching his breath)

Putter: (back up, quickly) D'ja get 'em?

Simmy: (shakes his head) No...

Putter: What?! It was a dare Sim! You have to get them! That's the rule! You have to do whatever the dare was!

Simmy: (regaining some composure and breath) You.. do it.. then!

Putter: No way! You have to do the dare you got, then... then you can make a dare!

Simmy: There's a pit bull, Putter, a pit bull!

Putter: At The F 'n F? A pit bull?

Simmy: Yes!

Putter: So?

Simmy: Whadya mean, "so"?!

Putter: So. Like so what.

Simmy: It's A PIT BULL, Putter!

Putter: Yeah... but does it know that you're stealing?

Simmy: What? No... I mean, yes... it probably does...

Putter: I doubt it, Simmy.

Simmy: Yeah-huh! Dogs can smell fear!

Putter: So... don't smell like fear then.

Simmy: You do it... you walk in there to steal and see a pit bull sitting by the counter and try not to be afraid!

Putter: It's not my dare! Look, just go in, pretend you're gonna pay for the candy bars, then just sorta forget... walk right out...

Simmy: I... I... No, I can't.

Putter: You have to; it was a legitimate dare! You agreed to play!

Simmy: But...

Putter: Do it, Simmy; then you can dare me to do something...

Simmy: No.. I...

Putter: You can do it, man... you're the one who taught me how to steal!

Simmy: But I was only twelve then!

Putter: And you just turned fourteen, so?

Simmy: Yeah, see... I've matured.

Putter: Just go get the candy bars, Sim!

Simmy: I... o.k... but you have to wait right here!

Putter: Duhh! I know that. Go! Go on!

Putter: (Simmy walks off backward facing Putter, then turns just as he's near the exit and starts running, pause) Can't believe he can't even do this... he's turnin' sissy. He's probably faster than a pit bull anyway... kid can run like nothing else!
(pause, Simmy comes bursting back on stage, exhausted again, Putter jumps up)

Putter: Well... (Simmy smiles, extracts two Snickers bars from his pocket, breathing heavily) Hey... (changing his tone) oh... wait... these are Snickers. I said two Milky Ways!

Simmy: I know... I... just ... the dog started... it was growling... and... I just grabbed... Snickers... and ran...

Putter: Shit. Wellll... ummm...

Simmy: C'mon! It counts... it should... count...

Putter: I don't know, Sim... I asked for two Milky Ways...

Simmy: Shut up! The dare was about stealing from the F 'n F, not about exactly the right candy bar!

Putter: But, I really like Milky Ways best!

Simmy: Too bad... I did the dare... it counts... it totally counts!

Putter: Fine! Alright, fine! It counts... I just like Milky Ways better.

Simmy: O.K.... my turn?

Putter: Yeah, fine... your turn.

Simmy: I dare you to steal two Milky Ways from The Fuel 'n Flee.

Putter: What!? Wait... then it was about stealing exactly the right candy bar!

Simmy: I guess... but I like Snickers better...

Putter: Pretty cheesy, Sim.

Simmy: Get going, Putter! None of the tiny ones, either!

Putter: Alright, alright... fine... o.k. (He sprints off)

Simmy: (Simmy wanders around, leans against wall, takes out a Snickers bar and unwraps it, starts to eat it.) Hmmm... I guess it's true... it does taste better when you catch it yourself. (a little laugh, continues eating, Putter bursts back onto stage, gasping for air)

Simmy: Well?! Did you get 'em?

Putter: (bent over, hands on kness, breathing hard, nods his head, then pulls two Milky Ways from his pocket, he's not smiling) Got'em.

Simmy: Whoa! Cool! (Simmy notices Putter is not looking so good) Putter, what's up? You gonna hurl or something? (Putter shakes head "no") Well, what's the deal... you look real sick.

Putter: (straightening up) I... the dog... he... started barking... he jumped at me... I moved fast, and he missed... the owner came out and grabbed him and I took off...

Simmy: Wow! Well, you made it...

Putter: I... I was nearly killed...

Simmy: Yeah? Crazy!... well, it's your turn, I guess.

Putter: Ohh. Umm... o.k. (long pause, he is considering his options) Uhhh... I dare you to never dare me to do anything again.

Simmy: Wha... (pause)... O.K. ... Done.

Putter: Your turn.

Simmy: Uhhh... I can't go... I can't dare you anymore, remember...

Putter: Right. Well, then I guess it will always be your turn.

Simmy: Yeah... yeah, so... umm, hey, then you never get another turn?

Putter: Exactly.

Simmy: Ohh... O.K. I get it...

(lights fading as they walk off)

Putter: I mean, we're fourteen now...

Simmy: No more little kid games, I guess...

Putter: Yep... I think you're right.

(lights out)


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