August 4, 2006

A Play A Day #113

A Separate Peace


Cast:
Gary
Tammy

Setting: Two yoga mats about five feet apart on the front of a stage.


(lights up, Gary and Tammy, dressed in appropriate yoga clothing, sit in full-meditation position - whatever the hell it's actually called, you know what I mean - they are facing the audience. Fairly long pause, fifteen seconds, maybe, then Gary starts getting a little restless, opening one eye, glancing toward Tammy, closing eye, then looking at her again with both eyes half-open, moving a little bit, trying to resettle himself, but it's not working)

Gary: (tentatively, quietly) Tammy?

Tammy: (relaxed, perhaps creepily so, stays in position, doesn't open her eyes) Gary?

G: Is this working... for you?

T: Yes.

G: Oh. (long pause, G retries the meditating, works at it for about a half minute, we should see him really working the meditation way too hard, obviously not in a relaxed way, holding his breath, tensing muscles, gritting teeth) Uhhh... Tammy?

T: Yes, Gary.

G: Somthing's wrong.

T: Breathe...

G: I am.

T: No, you're holding your breath...

G: I am?

T: Yes, you're forcing it...

G: Oh... (tries again, this time he focuses on his breathing, but with terrible intensity, sucking breath in noisily, breathing it out with way too much force, goes on for a while) Uhhh... Tammy?

T: Yes?

G: It's still...

T: (patience cracking) Let the air flow in and out...

G: Right, but...

T: Focus on the breath, don't strangle it.

G: It doesn't feel...

T: Let it happen, don't direct it, Gary.

G: O.K. (attempts again, not at all relaxed, shorter pause this time) Uhh..

T: (Interrupting, eyes shoot open, looks at him, peeved) Just relax, damnit! (goes too quickly back to her meditation)

G: (taken aback, long pause, he just sits, picking at his feet or the floor for a good long while, keeps checking out T, she is progressing deeper into her relaxed state, eventually G has to say something, very quietly) Ta... Tammy?

T: (annoyed) Gary?

G: I... ummm... I'm no good at this...

T: Why don't you try imagery? Think about something peaceful; something that relaxes you.

G: Anything?

T: Whatever will help you focus on something other than your conscious self.

G: Really, anything?

T: Yes!

G: Cool... (starts to do so, eventually starts making giggling noises, starts jerking his body around a bit, small ad-libs like "quit it!" and "I need to concentrate!" laughter gets louder, moving around a lot more)

T: (opening her eyes, looking at G in disbelief) What are you doing!? (no response from G who continues his laughter and jerky movements) Gary!... Gary!!... Gary!!!

G: (eyes opening, laughter dying down) Uhhh... what?

T: What were you doing?

G: Meditating...

T: No, you weren't.

G: I was doing the imagery thing.

T: You have to do it silently... in your mind.

G: I .... I was, I think...

T: You were laughing and bouncing around.

G: Ohh... they were tickling me...

T: Tickl... who?

G: Ummm... just... ummm...

T: What?!

G: The... uhhh.... two supermodels in my image.

T: You aren't supposed to think about active things like cute women tickling you...

G: I know that... I mean I guessed that I wasn't supposed to... but... they were topless and I...

T: What?!

G: The supermodels... and I thought I should probably not let an image like that pass me by...

T: That isn't a way to meditate...

G: So I approached the topless women, and they started hugging me and then they asked me to take my shirt off...

T: You know, this is a...

G: So, I did, and they were veerrrry complimentary, and they started touching me, and it tickled...

T: Images have to be restful, like a...

G: ...it was all innocent fun, you know...

T: ... like a lake shore, a forest clearing...

G: ... until they took their pants off too, and, welllll...

T: Gary! You just don't get this do you!?

G: ... so I thought, hey, I think I'll stick around here a bit longer....

T: (getting up abruptly) Forget it! Just... that's enough! This isn't going to work! C'mon, get up! Let's go!

G: (looks at his crotch, crosses legs, somewhat embarrassed) Ummm... I don't think that's a good idea... right now...

T: (roar of frustration, in a very angry tone, getting louder and louder) I thought you'd be different, Gary! You said you'd try anything; our first date was so great, why did you have to go and make a mockery of this! Meditation is very important to me!! It helps me relax!! And! You! Ruined! It!

G: (looking up at her, very sincerely) I... it... I blame the supermodels.

T: (smacks G) Asshole!

G: (calling after her, pleading, half getting up, keeping hands on his crotch) Hey! Tammy.... come back! You know, one of the supermodels looked just like you! (getting quieter as he finishes the line, realizes Tammy is gone) I really want to make this meditation... thing ... work... (looks at meditation mat, still crouched down, he elects to sit again, gets into meditation position, about a five second pause, lights starts fading) Oh... hi, ladies! What? Oh... yes... I guess my pants are feeling a little tight... hey now! not so much tickling this time... (small giggles, lights out)

(end)

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