February 4, 2011

Possible Titles for My Newest Autobiography

1 - I Get Angry At Bridges

2 - Just Eat This And Shut The Hell Up

3 - Compassion: My Greatest Virtue?

4 - You're A Stupid Fuck!

5 - This Book Understands Everything That Torments You And Will Instantly Make Your Life Perfect As You So Richly Deserve

6 - Please Stop Touching My Underwear

7 - Conspiracy Theories On A Budget

8 - The Brendoning

9 - I Believe I Shall Have A Light Snack

10 - You Are The People About Whom This Book Is Not

11 - Get Ye Gone And Other Ways I Castigate Wenches

12 - My Story: Why I Put That Under Your Pillow

13 - Why Is No One Touching My Underwear?

14 - How I Did In School: The Annotated Transcripts, Death Threats And Tardy Slips

15 - Guided Tour Of The International Museum Of Me

16 - The Brendoning II: Twice The Ing!

17 - Where The Cucumber Doesn't Belong: A Recollection

18 - Paths Not Taken And Other Things I Will Write About Not Being Able To Write About

19 - Fondlicious

20 - Many Good Words Died For This Book

21 - All My Nobel Prize Thingies

22 - There Is No 'I' In 'Me'

23 - Love And Everything Else You Should Pretend To Care About

24 - Here Be Dragons Would Be A Cool Name For My Next Rap Supergroup

25 - Nap Your Way To The Top!

26 - Self-Titled By Myself

27 - What's That Smell?

28 - The Brendoning III: Number 3 Of Three In The Trilogy of III!

29 - A Complete Listing Of Everyone I Write Better Than

30 - Apologies Other People Probably Owe Me

31 - I Wish I Had A Tail That Shot Lasers. That Would Be Great!

32 - Observations And Other Observations

33 - Caring And How To Avoid It

34 - Word, Sentence, Paragraph, Chapter, Story: The Useless Death March

35 - I Choose To Tolerate You

36 - Stab! A Man, A Knife, A Musical, A Plausible Defense

37 - I Greatly Enjoy Yogurt

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