February 10, 2011

I'm Going to Pretend The White Stripes Did Not Break Up and, Instead, Released the Following 11 Albums

Shit. Just shit shit shit. I am not happy with this. I repeat, shit.

The White Stripes have ceased to be, and while I think Jack White's many other projects have merit - particularly "Van Lear Rose" with Loretta Lynn - there was something about The White Stripes which perfectly blended the angriest demon howl of the blues with the resonance and urgency of pure rock.

Anachronistic and vitally new.

The White Stripes always knew exactly when to pull back and when to smack the side of your head repeatedly, and you thanked them for it.

So, what I will do is pretend.

La la la, la la la. They didn't break up. Didn't happen. No.

And... what's this? Look! A new album, and another, and another. One after the other over the next decade.


Don't believe me? Well, how come they even have titles, huh? Clearly, if these releases have names, they must be real!

1 - Icky Thumpier
2 - Little Songs
3 - While My Guitar Gently Screams
4 - Songs To Concuss Your Brain To
5 - Ugly. Sloppy. Beautiful.
6 - We're Actually Trying To Suck, But It's Not Working
7 - Bruises
8 - Crush Crush Face Face
9 - You Fail At Rock And We Do Not
10 - Bigger Bruises
11 - Apotheosis Time

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