Be thankful I am not an author of books for elementary school kids. I would not be able to resist the temptation to write books with titles like this:
1. Little Ricky Poppendork and the Mysterious Leeches of Shit Island
2. How Do You Know That Your Mother Doesn't Try to Kill You While You're Asleep?
3. Detective Sam and the Case of the Well-Hung Stranger
4. Fourth-Grade Pimp and His Stable of Crazy-Ass Bitches
5. Alcohol Makes Everyone Like You
6. Beyond Pee: Other Things You Can Do With Your Penis
7. Pretty Horses Shouldn't Cross the Interstate
8. Show and Tell After Dark
9. Nine Easy Surgeries You Can Do Yourself
10. Homerun Hero: Freddy and the Magic Strength Pills
11. The Semiautomatic Handgun of Instant Respect
12. As Sexy as the TV Tells Me To Be
13. Tony Finds A Tongue
14. No One Can Laugh at You if They're on Fire
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14. Burying Bodies Below the Baseboards.
15. Uncle Ted Nugent's Guide to Freedom.
16. Cooking With Ingredients Under the Sink.
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