October 10, 2007

Why I Shouldn't Write Stories for Elementary School Kids

Be thankful I am not an author of books for elementary school kids. I would not be able to resist the temptation to write books with titles like this:

1. Little Ricky Poppendork and the Mysterious Leeches of Shit Island

2. How Do You Know That Your Mother Doesn't Try to Kill You While You're Asleep?

3. Detective Sam and the Case of the Well-Hung Stranger

4. Fourth-Grade Pimp and His Stable of Crazy-Ass Bitches

5. Alcohol Makes Everyone Like You

6. Beyond Pee: Other Things You Can Do With Your Penis

7. Pretty Horses Shouldn't Cross the Interstate

8. Show and Tell After Dark

9. Nine Easy Surgeries You Can Do Yourself

10. Homerun Hero: Freddy and the Magic Strength Pills

11. The Semiautomatic Handgun of Instant Respect

12. As Sexy as the TV Tells Me To Be

13. Tony Finds A Tongue

14. No One Can Laugh at You if They're on Fire

1 comment:

Henry said...

14. Burying Bodies Below the Baseboards.

15. Uncle Ted Nugent's Guide to Freedom.

16. Cooking With Ingredients Under the Sink.