October 1, 2007

The Entire Contents of Ronald Reagan's Recently Discovered Secret Presidential Diary

January 25, 1981:
Things are going well. At least, that's what they tell me.

March 18, 1981:
I had a scary dream. I dreamed that I missed nap time. Scared me so much I woke up from my nap.

June 8, 1981:
Was I really in a movie with a monkey?

September 12, 1981:
Purple is a nice color.

December 24, 1981:
Merry Christmas to me! I wonder what I'm going to get from Mommy. I hope she doesn't use the strong tape.

April 2, 1982:
Boring day today. I wish I had something to do. Everyone tells me that I'm just fine. I'm supposed to sit and smile, I guess.

July 11, 1982:
Went to a horsey show! There were a lot of them everywhere.

September 2, 1982:
Well.

May 22, 1984:
Oops! Sorry diary. I lost you under my desk. I hope we can get back to regular writing sessions together.

October 13, 1984:
Well.

August 1, 1985:
Purple tastes funny.

January 29, 1986:
Sold some "kitchen appliances" to some nice Persian gentlemen. Got a really good price for them, so I'm told. I wish there were someone to give all this money to.

November 9, 1986:
Really? A monkey? More than one film?

December 13, 1986:
I don't recall.

January 31, 1987:
I like feeding ducks.

March 2, 1987:
I don't remember.

July 9, 1987:
Ask Mommy: Do I even like monkeys?

October 14, 1987:
Well. Well.

November 12, 1987:
I am purple.

February 4, 1988:
America is a great country. That's what they tell me.

April 21, 1988:
I forget.

Purple Monkey Day, 1988:
Everywhere. Get them off of me!

January Something, Something:
I. Monkey. Time to go. Mommy tells me the Jell-o is sharp. Beware. Hello, purple.

5 comments:

ShOI said...

Don't do dogs. Pill lady best friend!

Henry said...

Thhhhbbbbb.... I make poopies. So does those monkeys. Ahhhhh!!!! Monkeys!!!!!

Anonymous said...

shoi, do you have the full text for that? I've been searching for years.

Ham on rye, chimney.
- your friend, Donald Fagan

ShOI said...

I couldn't find it through Google, but I did find it through Ask.com:
http://www.scumpa.com/pipermail/humor/1998-September/001495.html
Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Double plus good for Ask.com.

Thanks ShOI!