Customer Serviced
Cast:
Seeva
Mees
Setting: Customer service desk
(lights up, Seeva is on the phone behind the customer service desk, enter Mees)
Seeva: Yes... yes... ohh, I'd love that! Sounds great! Right, right, right... I know... no... no, no... yeah, yeah... that's perfect, perfect, right... (she holds up a finger to Mees to indicate that he should wait just a bit) Great, that's what I think too, you know, if he's up to it. Right, just tons of anal. Okay, okay, it'll be awesome! Great, gotta run, bye-bye.
(Seeva hangs up, Mees looks at her with a bit of shock)
Seeva: Hello, welcome to MungoMart, how can I service you?
(more shock)
Mees: Uhhh... I... uhhh... this.
(Mees holds up his shopping bag)
Seeva: Something in the sack, sir?
Mees: Yes, please.
(Seeva takes the shopping bag, opens it, looks at item without removing it)
Seeva: Yes, and what is the problem with this purchase, sir?
Mees: It... it doesn't work.
Seeva: Neither do I, but you'd never try to return me, would you?
(pause, then Seeva laughs, she's joking)
Mees: (trying to laugh along) Right... no... I... I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Iiiiiii... I (long pause) wouldn't.
Seeva: Course not. Do you have the receipt, sir?
Mees: It's... uhhhh... in the bag.
Seeva: Well, that makes two of us.
(pause, Mees starts laughing louder than he should, Seeva looks at him, bemused)
Seeva: Somthing wrong, sir?
Mees: (laughter cutting off abruptly, pause) No. Your joke. It was funny.
Seeva: Okay.
(long pause)
Mees: So... I. So I laughed.
Seeva: Yes, you did.
(phone rings, Seeva picks it up)
Seeva: MungoMart customer services. Uh-huh... right... yes, yes, yes, yes (Seeva keeps saying 'yes', it builds sexually, stopping just short of orgasm, then) Bye-bye.
(Mees, of course, is stunned, long pause)
Seeva: Did you want a replacement for this product?
Mees: What?
Seeva: Did you want a replacement for this product, or was there some other way I could compensate you for the value lossed?
Mees: (pause) No! No, no, no, no, no...
Seeva: No compensation, sir?
Mees: No, uhhhhh... no replacement.
Seeva: Yes, sir. I could give you store credit then, since the product was purchased more than thirty days ago.
Mees: Yes. Yes. That's... that's fine.
Seeva: (changing position, a new bearing, formally at first) Thank you for choosing MungoMart, sir. It is because of you that we find satisfaction with our daily lives. We are nothing without our valued customers, and you are certainly one of the most-highly valued of the lot, sir. There is nothing that MungoMart would ever do to harm our relationship with you, our most treasured resource. You are MungoMart, sir, and MungoMart is here for you. Please let us know exactly what we may do to help you have the most satisfying experience possible. We open ourselves wide for you, sir. MungoMart is here for you, here to serve at your pleasure. Take us, sir. Take us, spank us if you have to, we will service your every whim.
(long pause)
Seeva: Was that enough credit for the store to give you, sir, or shall I undo a button?
(pause)
Seeva: Sir?
(pause)
Seeva: Was that enough store credit, sir? Or did you want it more personalized?
(phone rings, Seeva answers)
Seeva: MungoMart customer services. Ohh... yes... very nice. Very. Very. Yes, again, please. (series of moans and gasps) That's right, fill every hole. Thank you. Yes, bye-bye.
(pause)
Seeva: Now, where were we?
Mees: Ummm... did you say "button"?
Seeva: (undoing top button of her blouse) That's right... Thank you for choosing MungoMart, sir. It is because of you that we find satisfaction with our daily lives. We are nothing without our valued customers, and you are certainly one of the most-highly valued of the lot, sir. There is nothing that MungoMart would ever do to harm our relationship with you, our most treasured resource. You are MungoMart, sir, and MungoMart is here for you. Please let us know exactly what we may do to help you have the most satisfying experience possible. We open ourselves wide for you, sir. MungoMart is here for you, here to serve at your pleasure. Take us, sir. Take us, spank us if you have to, we will service your every whim.
Mees: That's store credit?
Seeva: Well, that's a start anyway. I have seven more buttons.
Mees: (finally catching on to how MungoMart does business, and starting to appreciate it) Was there something about spanking?
Seeva: (biting her lower lip) Oh, yes, sir. There most certainly was.
(lights start fading)
Mees: (looking up at fading lights) Are you doing that?
Seeva: MungoMart does it, sir. Just... (unbuttons one more button) for... (another button) you... (another)
(lights out)
(end)
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