I Will Homicide You
Cast:
Abe
Pip
Setting: Sofa. Pip is laying down. Enter Abe.
Abe: I will homicide you!
Pip: What?
A: I will homicide you!
P: Uhhh.
A: I will homicide you!
P: You will... homicide.... me?
A: I will homicide you!
P: You won't "homicide" me.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Ahh, don't be this way.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Really, now...
A: I will homicide you!
P: No. Stop. I mean it.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Listen, Abe, you know that you couldn't live without me.
A: I will homicide you!
P: You love me.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Is that what you're trying yo say?
A: I will homicide you!
P: Ohhh, that's sweet, Abe!
A: I will homicide you!
P: I love you too.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Yes, I know you do.
A: I will homicide you!
P: And I will always love you too.
A: I will homicide you!
P: So, beside this deep abiding love for me...
A: I will homicide you!
P: That you choose to express with poorly-worded threats...
A: I will homicide you!
P: Was there anything else you wished to say to me?
A: I will homicide you!
P: Got it. I'm gonna get back to my program here.
A: I will homicide you!
P: OK, Abe, thanks.
A: I will homicide you!
P: You're going to have to accept that you're gay.
A: I will homicide you!
P: This mindless, repetitive, violent machismo was what you wanted to escape when you first crawled into my arms.
A: I will homicide you!
P: I know it's hard to accept. You were straight for so long.
A: I will homicide you!
P: But, you see, you weren't.
A: I will homicide you!
P: You weren't straight. Ever.
A: I will homicide you!
P: You we're covering it, because you didn't want to face the social marginalization.
A: I will homicide you!
P: The ridicule.
A: I will homicide you!
P: The hatred.
A: I will homicide you!
P: It's perfectly understandable.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Don't try to hide behind these shallow attempts at playing the straight guy.
A: I will homicide you!
P: (long pause) Are you done, now?
A: I will homicide you!
P: I guess not.
A: I will homicide you!
P: Alright, I didn't want to do this, but...
A: I will homicide you!
P: You leave me little choice.
A: I will homicide you!
P: (naively, with excitement) What? !
A: I will homicide you!
P: You will.... "homosex"... me?
A: I will homicide you!
P: You will?
A: I will homicide you!
P: You'll homosex me?
A: I will homicide you!
P: That's great!
A: I will homicide you!
P: Right! Let's get busy! (starts undressing, getting of sofa, moving toward Abe) Time's a-wasting!
A: I will homicide you! (backing away fom Pip)
P: If you'll homosex me, tell me by...
A: I will homicide you!
P: By saying "I will homicide you" out loud.
A: (long pause, Abe slowly starts to cry, Pip hugs him slowly, deeply) Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry, Pip.
P: It's alright, want to lay down with me and talk about it?
A: Sure... (he lays down on sofa) I just miss Cynthia sooo much.
P: (stiffening, stopping his movement to the sofa) Let's not talk about her, okay?
A: But, I need to, and Debora, and Lucy, and Renee, and Wanda, and Liz, and...
P: (more strident) No! Please, let's just not mention any of them, any women at all!
A: But, I need to come to some understanding what ever attracted me to them, since I was actually gay the whole time.
P: No, let's just talk about us and...
A: Pip! These are my issues; I need to discuss them, I'm never going to get past these embarrassing displays of denial unless...
(lights start to fade)
P: I will explosion you!
A: Wha...?
P: I will explosion you!
A: "Explosion" me?
P: I will explosion you!
(lights out)
(end)
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