The Difference Between You and Me
You: I'm much taller.
You: I can run faster.
Me: Probably, a little bit.
You: Totally faster.
You: What else?
Me: You know magic.
You: Yeah, I do, forgot that one.
Me: But, I can juggle almost anything.
You: Yeah, ummm... generally.
Me: I like twist cones.
You: I wish you'd just choose... chocolate or vanilla...
Me: I took advanced physics while I was still in high school.
You: Doesn't help you choose ice cream very well though.
Me: I can do origami fairly well.
You: I used to know how to do the cube one.
Me: I like spicy foods.
You: So do I, doesn't count.
Me: I date a lot of women.
You: Totally unfair! You bastard!
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry...
You: You should be. I can't believe you brought that one up.
Me: Well, it is a difference.
You: Yeah! But what a prick you are!
Me: Well, what a prick I have, at least.
You: You fuck! It's your fault!
Me: I said I can juggle almost anything...
You: Almost! Shit. Too late now.
Me: I said stay away when I'm juggling knives or...
You: I didn't hear you, o.k?
Me: ....at the very least put your underwear on...
You: We've been through this! Alright! So I was distracted...
Me: You were jerking off...
You: Yeah! Fine! But why the hell were you juggling knives in my shower?! Huh!?
Me: Sorry about that, not the best place.
You: Fucking right, it's not!
Me: Well, now I know: wet knives are hard to catch.
You: Yeah, right, you and I both know.
Me: You and me and Stumpy.
You: And the left one, too...
Me: Oh. Yeah. Sorry, couldn't remember which one was still hanging on.
You: Yeah. You know, if you're ever in a similar situation again, put down ALL the knives before you try to stop the bleeding.
Me: There's another difference!
Me: I know first aid.
You: Not very well.