April 8, 2007

A Play A Day #359

Malfunctioning Camus Filter


Setting: Apartment, sofa, a couple chairs.

(lights up, Mel is reading on the sofa, enter Rebecca, she is happy, sits on the nearby chair, she is humming)

Mel: (sighs, still reading) What?

Rebecca: Nothing.

M: (baleful) You're humming. That's something.

R: No, it's actually nothing. Just humming.

M: (annoyed) Well, I'm trying to read.

R: Don't let me bother you, then.

M: You are bothering me.

R: I don't mean to.

M: Yeah, well, you are. You're humming; I'm reading. I want some peace.

R: I don't have a problem with that.

(pause, he goes back to reading, she sits for a while)

M: Now what?

R: Nothing, dear.

M: You're still here.

R: I can't possibly be bothering you now.

M: You are.

R: I'm not trying to.

M: Yet, there you are. Sitting.

R: Not humming though.

M: Too bad. I'm so sick of you doing things like this.

R: I'm not doing anything.

M: I try to relax. Read something magnificent, be inspired, and I have to deal with your pestering.

R: I would never pester you.

M: You're a pest.

R: Being your girlfriend is not easy, you know. I come in here to just sit near my handsome, brainy boyfriend; enjoy being in the same room with you, and I'm made to feel unwelcome, unappreciated, unloved.

M: I'm reading Albert Camus! Do you understand?

R: No.

M: Okay... I'm reading Camus. There is only room for me and his genius!

R: None for me?

M: I wish. Camus is so powerful, so uplifting, that I need an empty room to allow his specific weightiness to take hold.

R: I didn't know that.

M: Now you do.

R: I'm not happy about this.

M: See, you are so negative. I need a room bereft of negative energy in which Monsieur Camus can percolate.

R: I'm not negative.

M: See?

R: I'm not!

M: You're digging a deeper hole.

R: I don't have to listen to this.

M: Negative.

R: You're not nice.

M: Negative.

R: (storming out) This is so stupid!

M: (calling after her) Hey! At least that wasn't negative.

(shaking head, back to his book)

M: Cheer me up again, Albert.

(lights fade as Mel laughs at something he is reading)

M: Oh, Camus... so delicious.

(lights out)


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