April 5, 2007

A Play A Day #356

Procrasti...


Cast:
Shelly
Danielle
Edgar

Setting: Somewhere, you know


[Note: Blank lines are still lines for the actor, they must be acted for this play to work]

(lights up, Shelly and Danielle sitting anywhere they want on stage; I'm not going to push them)

Danielle:

Shelly: Danielle?

D:

S: Danielle?

D:

S: Danielle?

D: Yeah.

S:

D: Yeah?

S: Oh, ahhh... did you ever...

D: Probably not.

S: Me either.

D:

S:

D:

S: Ummm...

D: Yeah?

S: What comes next?

D: Like after now?

S: Yeah.

D: I dunno.

S: Probably not that important.

D:

S: Right?

D: No, we've got plenty of time.

S:

D: Don't we?

S: Sure. We must.

D: Yeah.

S: I mean no one's even here.

D: No.

S:

D:

S:

D: Plenty of time.

(Enter Edgar)

S: Oh, hi, Edgar.

D:

S: Danielle? Edgar's here.

D: He is?

S:

D: Shelly?

S: No, he's not.

D: Hmmmm.

S: Danielle?

D:

S: Danielle?

D:

S: Danielle?

D: What?

S: (stage whisper) Edgar missed his cue.

D: His cue?

S: Yeah.

D: Oh... okay.

S:

D:

S: Danielle?

D: Yeah?

S: We sorta need him on stage for the next part of the play.

D: Oh.

S: Can you give him his cue again?

D: When?

S: Now should work.

D:

S: Or now.

D: Plenty of time.

(enter Edgar)

S: Oh, hi, Edgar.

D: That's not him either, is it?

S: Definitely not him not there.

D: Should I try it again?

S:

D: Shelly?

S:

D: Shelly? Should I?

S: Yeah, missing cues is gonna drag this play down.

D:

S:

D: Agreed.

S:

D: Anyway. Plenty of time.

(enter Edgar, for real this time, he is in a whacky clown wig with a little make-up, wearing his boxers and t-shirt)

S: Oh, hi, Edgar.

Edgar: (stage whisper) Shelly, was that my cue?

S: (stage whisper) It was your cue.

E: (s.w.) 'Cause I thought maybe she was just saying that I actually had plenty of time; so...

D: Hi, Edgar.

E: (s.w., hushing Danielle) Shhh... I'm not ready yet, I figured I had plenty of time like you said, so I was still in make-up.

D:

E: (s.w.) So...

S: We'll just go on without you.

E:

S: Without you.

E: (s.w.) Right.

(exit Edgar, giving thumbs up sign)

D: Least he always hits his exits.

S: Yeah.

D: Good ol' Edgar.

S:

D:

S: So, let's just get to the next scene.

D: Okay.

S:

D:

S: Damnit. I was hoping you had the first line of the next scene.

D: I don't know if I do or not.

S: Me either.

D: Huh... wellllll...

S: I'm still working on the next scene.

D: Something about a clown, right?

S: Pretty sure that's right.

D: A clown and...

S:

D: A clown and...

S: Murder?

D: Maybe.

S:

D: What's the play called again?

S: Ummm... "Death By Clown"?

D: Really?

S: I think so.

D: Well, yeah... I'll have to take your word for it. I haven't gotten around to really working my lines yet, you know?

S: Hey, no problem, I'm in the same boat.

D: Well, we should have plenty of time.

S:

D: Plenty of time.

(enter Edgar, with a little bit more clown make-up on, but not much)

E: (s.w.) Was that for me?

D: No, I think that was a coincidence.

E: (s.w.) Cool, 'cause I'm running a little late here with the make-up and...

S: Thanks, anyway, Edgar.

D: Yeah. Good work.

(exit Edgar, giving thumbs up sign)

S: Good ol' Edgar.

D:

S: He's so talented.

D: One of the best.

S: Yeah.

D:

S:

D:

S: Okay then. What's next?

D: Well, I know my last line.

S: Oh, cool, go ahead.

D:

S: You know, whenever you want.

D: Yeah. I'm building up to it.

S: Great... I know it's going to be amazing.

D: I hope so.

S: Awesome.

D:

S:

D: Some clowns just aren't that funny.

S:

D: What did you think?

S: Wow!

D: Plus, Edgar's on the ground with an axe in his head.

S: Oh, yeah, that will really add to the ending.

D: Yeah.

S:

D:

S: Hey, maybe he has the axe with him now.

D:

S: Right. Let's check.

(Shelly and Danielle start walking off toward where Edgar had made his entrances, lights start fading)

D: Hey, Edgar! Did you bring the axe?

E: (from offstage)

D: Maybe he didn't hear me.

S: This play's going to be so great when we get everything all ready to go.

D: Definitely.

(lights out)

(end)

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Brilliant! My dissertation looks just like this (sans clown w/axe in head).

Elizabeth (Tromvestite's wife's friend in Chicago--yes, you still have a reader in Chicago).

Bleeet said...

Actually, the last time I met a clown with an axe in his head, he looked a lot like a dissertation... maybe YOUR dissertation?!

(cue suspenseful, dangerous music)

(fade out, leaving audience with harrowing sense of intrigue)

(Implication: Elizabeth kills clowns.)

(cue music again)

(subtext: The rigors and strictures of academia destroy our sense of humor)

(additional subtext: Academic pursuits are inherently pro-murder)

(very subtle subtext: Danielle is frickin' hot!)

emcee emdee said...

Death by Clown is my kind of play. And I could tell about Danielle being hot by the way she didn't deliver those lines.

elizabeth said...

Even though I have been falsely accused of clown-killing, I hereby resolve to use the phrase "death by clown" in my dissertation. I am absolutely serious and I think I can pull it off since I'm writing about Kierkegaard and the teleological suspension of the ethical. At the very least, I will put it in a footnote.

(cue creepy circus music)

(fade out, leaving audience with harrowing sense of intellectual intrigue)

(Implication: Elizabeth doesn't take her dissertation seriously)

(cue music again)

(subtext: The rigors and strictures of academia aren't enough to keep Elizabeth from having a little fun)

(additional subtext: Academic pursuits are independent of the pro-clown and clown agendas, instead allowing the author to use the clown as a trope or metaphor whenever it suits the author's fancy)

(very subtle subtext: Elizabeth is frickin' hot!)