September 20, 2011

Some Ways Life Would Be Different If You Had A Tiger Instead Of A Cat

 You are dumb.  You own a cat.  Probably two or three.  Stupid.  Your life would be better if you doubled-down and brought a tiger into your home or apartment or recreational vehicle.  Here's how.

1 - It would take care of your house cat infestation.

2 - If you let them get hungry enough, they are capable of cleverly feeding themselves.

3 - Surprisingly good at tax preparation. 

4 - You'll get millions of hits when you post an adorbz vid on LOLcats of teh kitteh playing with its first dead bird, except replace "bird" with "son" or "neighbor" or "animal control officer."

5 - Little cats can't play the drums in your garage rock band.  Neither can a tiger, but you'll let him anyway.

6 - All the raw, weak, aged wildebeest you can eat.  (Standard shipping rates apply.)

7 - A couple hypodermic extractions away from reaping a fortune from Charlie Sheen.

8 - Neighbor's annoying dog suddenly convinced that barking isn't a great idea after all.

9 - Street-legal, eco-friendly mode of transportation.