September 5, 2011
Days On Which I'm Not Shuffling And Why
1) Tuesday - This day has always been reserved for moping.
2) Saturday - I'm not going to shuffle on Saturdays just because everyone else is shuffling that day. I have my integrity and will not be just another shuffling sheep.
3) Days when I have a gold-painted cardboard box on my head that makes me look like a sci-fi robot from the early 1950s - My vision is severely limited on such days making shuffling hazardous.
4) Sunday - I dare not taunt Mr. Jesus.
5) Wednesday - It's hard to explain, but this day has never felt right for shuffling. You know what I mean?
6) Days heretofore not explicitly denoted - I reserve the right to refrain from shuffling on any other day not listed above, at my sole discretion.