Ten Dollars
Cast:
Nola
Carver
Setting: Any room in a house, a sofa, or two chairs, or all three if you can handle it.
(Lights up, Carver sitting, Nola enters)
Nola: Hey dear, why the big smile?
Carver: I just had the most amazing experience, Nola.
N: Really? What?
C: A man called me, he knew my name already, said he was from the American Cancer something something, and asked me if I'd give ten dollars to wipe out cancer.
N: Okay...
C: I thought: Holy crap, cancer totally sucks! You know? So...
N: Yes?
C: Ten bucks, right? So I said, yeah! Yeah! I'll give you ten bucks for that!
N: Great... it's a good cause.
C: No kidding, it's a good cause! More like it's a fucking great cause!!
N: Okay.
C: So, the amazing thing is... they called me, Nola! Don't you see? They... called... me!
N: Well, sure... I... uhh...
C: And all they needed was ten dollars... my ten dollars!
N: Right... that's...
C: So, what do you think? Isn't that amazing?
N: Ummm.... Carver, I don't... well, I'm glad that you're throwing your heart into such a worthy cause... I mean, maybe next year, we'll set aside thirty or fifty dollars or more for them.
C: What do you mean?
N: When they call next year, we could tell them to increase our donation. I mean, since this obviously means a lot to you, we could give them more money then.
C: Weren't you listening?
N: Yes.
C: There won't be a next year.
N: Well... what?
C: I cured cancer! Me! I did it! Just a few minutes ago! Ten bucks to wipe it out, that's what the phone cancer guy said! And they called me! I gave the money that cured cancer! It was me! Me! Me!
N: Carver... you didn't...
C: (not listening) Just think! Think, Nola! I'm going to be famous! Nobel prize in curing things or something!
N: Honey, I don't think the phone guy...
C: You know what? We should start calling other disease businesses and see what else we can cure!
N: Carver, you're completely misunder...
C: Let's see... like that old people brain rot thingy...
N: Alzheimer's?
C: Then the AIDS dudes, and, ohh... the heart attack club or whatever...
N: Listen, sweetheart, please don't...
C: I mean think of it, Nola! Wow!
N: No! Carver! This isn't what happens... you're helping, but...
C: (walking offstage) I gotta find some other ones... ohh, yeah... there's that Jerry Lee Lewis diseaseathon... I'll check into that too... (he's off)
N: (pause) I better give ten dollars to the American Stupidity Society.
(hangs her head and sighs and exits as lights fade out)
(end)
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