FROM: Brendon Etter
In 2008, I was universally* hailed as the Leading Write-In Candidate for Mayor of Northfield. An election I lost painfully by a mere few thousand votes out of more total votes than that. I would like to thank all those who took the time and effort to somewhat spell my name correctly on some ballots.
However, in order to spare myself and my family and my dog and my neighbors' dogs the pain of losing another physically and emotionally draining contest, I feel it is only right that I not run for Mayor of Northfield again in 2012.
Therefore, let me be the first, on this august forum, on the first of August, to officially declare that I am not running for The Office of The Mayor of The City of (the) Northfield.
Please, please, please don't vote for me for Mayor.
What I want you to do is to write my name on the ballot under "Mayor" as an affirmation of my decision not to seek The Mayoral Office.
We can only hope that enough people will do this, and Northfield will fulfill the promise of democracy: That anyone choosing not to run for public office has a chance to be recognized for that choice by a majority or plurality of voting citizens!
To help you remember to write in your vote for my non-candidacy, my advertising and legal and dance committee - Britt Ackerman, LP, CD, 009 - has come up with the following slogans:
Brendon Etter: He's Not for Everyone!
Brendon Etter: Always Never Mayor!
Brendon Etter: Best at Nothing!
Brendon Etter: May or Mayor Not!
Brendon Etter: A Positively Negative Candidate!
Brendon Etter: Nothing to Believe In!
Brendon Etter: There's No There There!
Brendon Etter: Figuratively Your Best Choice!
Brendon Etter: You're Not Allowed to Vote for Him for Mayor!
Brendon Etter: Yes Means No!
Brendon Etter: He Can't Lose!
Thank you, in advance, dear citizens of Northfield, for writing in my name as not running for Mayor.
Please watch this space for future developments as I don't continue this non-campaign.
(* - select universes only)